Tag Archive: Writing


~ Little ones dream ~

Deep within

the candlelight,

The palest glow

of soft moonlight,

The crackle of undergrowth

under foot,

The Smokey smell 

of earthen soot,

A dilapidated cabin 

in the wood,

Hidden by the trees

for good,

Past the stream where thirst

you slake,

Through the woods 

to ominous lake,

The lake is irregular

long and wide,

With over grown shelter

where wildlife hide,

The snap of a twig

the move of a leaf,

Something unseen

watching beneath,

Across the lake

in moonlight glow,

A golden fawn

and mother doe,

So graceful in

the quiet still,

Watched by majestic stag

with iron will,

Skim across water 

fireflies,

Its almost time

for our goodbyes,

The Moon on his lofty perch

so high,

Has kissed each Star

across the sky,

And now he must go 

to his bed,

The dawn awakes us

from our bed,

Hush little one

open your eyes,

Wave your sleepy dreams

goodbyes,

The sun is out

a brand new day,

For you to smile

laugh and play….


.x.



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~ Show me…. ~

​….show me 

the ruins of your soul,

I’ll show you they’re not ruins

you are whole,

Show me this darkness

that you hide,

I’ll show you

your brilliance inside,

You tell me I’ll leave

from your decay,

I’m telling you your amazing

and I’ll stay….

.x.

Love….

“Ok. Humor me.” He said. “Tell me.”

“A hurricane.” She said simply. “Imagine the a person as a hurricane, they have to stay on the edges and never get to close. They destroy or leave in disarray everything they touch.” She sighed…. “Such intensity, passion, an emotional whirlwind. Not many could cope with that.” 

“If it were real? It would be lonely.” He smiled.

“Yes….” She looked down.

“Now imagine that hurricanes a fire. When I finally showed him? He showed me that there’s an ocean inside of him that would calm my fire, deal with the emotions, the intensity, that would take my storms.”

He nodded, understanding but lost in thought.

“Tell me who wouldnt want to drown in the calming intensity of another?” She drew a circle on the table with her finger. “I told him that he was my darkness, the perfect pitch for me. Truth is? He’s my light.”


Dreams….

Dreams cascade

in black and white,

I dreamt of you again

last night,

Your hand so soft

the sharpest knife,

And I was fighting

for my life,

Your laugh your words

and that smile,

False sense of security

for just a while,

You slid that knife 

slowly under my skin,

And with magical words

promised no sin,

I was killed from 

deep within,

I offered my heart

but that’s in the bin,

Your skillful hand

and sweet soft words so true,

I fell so deeply

into you,

Made my wish

that dreams come true,

I opened my soul

you took that to,

There’s nothing left I

bleed for you,

A skilful master

sharpest tool,

And look at me I’m

just your fool….

.x.

~ Longing ~

I long to be that something

that your fingers always touch,

To be that little something

that you use so much,

And I desire 

to be a part,

Hidden from sight

so deep in your heart,

Those quiet hours

when in thought your alone,

Find a place deep within you

and call it my home,

I guess its those little things

that are the things that I long for,

But quite simply all I need is your smile

and I fall deeper than before….

.x.



You inside….

​I wish I could enter 

your mind,
Oh so many secrets

would it scare me what I’d find,
I’d walk those corridors

sparking light as I go,
Its not your secrets they’re safe

just your thoughts I want to know,
I’d spark spirals of light with fingers

running off into the dim,
Scale your high walls

find the you from within,
Inside I know your filled with forests

lush green with thoughts anew,
I catch glimpses sometimes

it makes me fall even deeper for you,
 I want to face your nightmares

each and every one I’d slay,
So you could rest easy each and every night

and wake with a smile each day,
As time goes on and I’ve learnt so much

i know all I desire is more,
Those breathtaking glimpses when you let your guard down

i want you even more than before,
I see it in your pictures sometimes

when your mind is definitely not here,
Those times I wish I could pull you closer

and ask to let me near,
The perfect equation good bad dark light 

so true,
Please don’t hide from this girl

who is so in love with you….
.x.

Let me fall….

Current song….

  So much on my mind I’ve hardly slept. 

I swear I’m clawing

at the walls of my own mind, 

And I’m crying and I’m failing

everywhere is you I find,

I’m shouting and I’m screaming

the wind whips the words away,

But I guess it doesn’t matter

you don’t hear what I say,

My heart and soul keep crying for you

so I play the music so loud,

But it just can’t go up high enough

to block their deafening sound,

 

There are times…. not many but yes times, where there are so many words, far to many words, and I fall into the abyss of them. I love words, I adore words. I love how you break them down and put them back together. How they can bring joy or heartache. How they can build you up or strip you bare. But there are so many words swirling in a never ending vortex and I just want to give up and not write. Let them just envelope me instead.

Current song….

“Don’t know what you’ve got.” By “Cinderella.” 

I give up today.

My every breath is stained  with your name….

(Just to make life worse? The song that has just started playing? “Til my last day.” Right now? I give up….)

Wednesday….

My mind is torn between what I want and doing what’s right. Such a war….

Things I know? I am not a good person and I never will be….

Song currently playing….

​https://open.spotify.com/track/3vledBz37cDTn57fdwQlKr

I’m not coping. I’m trying. Trying so damn hard to smile but that smile won’t appear. All that comes is tears. My emotions spin and click through a cycle I don’t even understand. I’ve always been an emotional person. That can be good and bad I guess. I feel everything to deeply. And with you? You’ve always magnified every emotion by 100. I have always loved you more for it. But right now? Right now I can’t cope. And these stupid tears? They don’t stop….

  I plucked up the courage to look in the mirror earlier. I look a mess. My eyes are all bloodshot and red. There comes a moment. That moment. That moment when your happiness snaps and disintegrates right before your eyes. If this is what loving someone completely, unconditionally, feels like? Then let me never love again. Let this be the very last time I love. I wasn’t made for hurt. Not hurt like this. I never want you to feel like this. You once told me that you don’t let people see the way you feel because they wouldn’t understand, they couldn’t. So you keep it to yourself, at the time? I thought how lonely that must feel…. but now? Now I know that I never want you to feel like this ever. I don’t want you to feel this destruction, desolation. 

  ….You think your going to be ok that your going to be alright and for those first few hours you are. Then it hits you. You start to crack, to break. You literally start falling apart. EVERYTHING falls apart. And you take a step back inside yourself as you watch helpless, you see everything crashing down and then this huge crashing wave engulfs you and all you feel is sadness gut wrenching heart breaking sadness. The kind that overtakes your very essence. It fills you and slowly starts to strip away layer upon layer of your skin. Tearing you apart. Pulling the very flesh from you. Tossing your organs on the floor. This huge monster that is sadness. It takes hold of your bones and crushes them one by one. And your just supposed to hold it all in. Your just supposed to smile and tell the world your ok when inside this utter devestation is happening. No. No I don’t ever want you to feel like that. But that’s love. Pure unconditional love. 

 I’ve just received a wordfued game request. I love that game. I play every day. The request? I can hear your voice…. I’m crying hard and trying not to. I can see every smile we’ve had playing that game. I miss you so much. I want you in my life. Without you there is something missing. Something dies. And something you take with you. And this…. I am left with this hurricane inside me ripping everything up and tearing everything apart. Destroying everything. You mean that much, it does this much damage. This poison inside me, the only cure I know is you. But you I don’t have. Part of me is dieing and I can’t fix it. I can’t cope with it. I don’t even understand it. 

The songs have skipped and I’m playing a different band. Every song is by “Nightcore” the current song is called “Let it burn” I like them anyway but I know your not keen on this particular genre so it won’t remind me of you. It didn’t work. Half the songs I’ve listened to so far have made me think of you. I even put one on the play list that reminds me of you. I don’t even know if you’ve ever listened to it. I guess you will unfollow me. In fact I don’t even want to think about it but to late, I am crying again. In a way I know I can use WordPress to write all this out because you don’t come here. I think you only ever came when I supplied you with links to specific posts. I van hear your words…. “You write so damn much woman.” But you knew, you knew that writing was/is my outlet. All those things i cant say? You’ve always known I can use words, I can write them…. It doesn’t matter any more any way. You are gone…. it’s just me and my thoughts left. Just me destroying myself on the screen as I watch the destruction within me….

  I don’t want to do this any more. I don’t even want to blink. In that split nano second I do? I see you. And I don’t want to breathe. That blinding pain with each and every breath. And I don’t want to hear because all I hear is your oh so sexy liquid velvet voice. And I don’t want to think because all I think about is you. These tears won’t stop and I’m trying so hard to make them stop but now I’m in the bathroom crying so hard that I had to stop writing I had to put the fan on and run some water to hide the sound. I can’t cope. I miss you. I miss you so much there is a coflagration within me and it will destroy whatever it can. All I can do is watch as all these elements wage war inside. 

The song that plays mocks me….  “Nightcore” “Hearts will repair” no mine won’t. You are carved so deeply upon it. Nothing and no one else matters…. 

All I can think of is you…. and the tears? The tears fall….

War within….

To set me aflame and die a million deaths, to separate for years me and you…. there is nothing that can kill this or stop the want or need. Etched so deep on my bones you cannot be erased….

 I give up. Let me burn then let my charred remains fall, let them drown in the sea of my endless tears….

For there is nothing left. Nothing but emptiness, this void as I lose end empty and become less so much less. 

Forget me as I fade unworthy of a memory allowing myself only the joy of destroying myself….

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