Tag Archive: Thoughts


Over the lake

dragonflies flit and soar,

They fly past the pond skaters

then back to the shore,

Bobber bobs

at the end of the line,

Sun through the trees

casts an iridescent dappled shine,

Breeze plays with shadows

a musical sigh,

Added to the sun’s light show

a pleasure to the eye,

Crickets sing symphonies

as the water beetles swim,

Dark shapes under water

as fish move within,

Bobber goes under

then goes on the run,

Fish took the bait

believing he’d won,

line shoots out

as he swims away,

sleeping man shoots up

“fish today ain’t your day!”

Ripples from the chase

lap the waters edge,

“I’m getting you today!”

the quiet man does pledge,

He cranks the reel handle

while fighting his prey,

That fish has had it coming

but today is his day,

A sliver of scales

a fighting big splash,

Damn fish it leaps out

quiet man lands with a crash,

But look there it is

the quiet man’s prize,

And he stares with a smile

can’t believe its size,

Holding his fish

he wades into the lake,

Come on old friend

you back home I will take,

Tomorrow I will fish I’ll be here

a new day,

From now on you won’t be

that big fish that got away”

.x.

Just so everyone knows… I’ve never fished before. I can imagine people that fish reading this and saying… “That’s NOT how you fish!” But? I was given the thought by random conversations with a quiet man that fishes and I kinda like how this turned out.

Balaur…

Plated armour

shiny scales,

Smooth to touch

hard as nails,

Knowing eyes that see

so far away,

Push off from the dirt

be on your way,

Wings that glide

on gentle breeze,

Talons brush

against the tops of the trees,

A snort of heat

as thoughts get to great,

Over thinking with worry no simplicity

you state,

Soaring upwards

pushing up high,

An ebony shadow

against starry sky,

Blink and you’ll miss it

what did you see,

Was that a…

no it can’t be,

Fly over woodlands

fly over fields,

The heart wants what it wants

the heart fights the mind yields,

Sharp talons land

in softest earth,

So graceful and majestic

belies your girth,

Look through the window

spie your prey,

A mortal mere human

she’s dreaming away,

She stumbled on something

you need to retrieve,

The implications of wich

she cannot conceive,

There in the corner

near the firelights glow,

It’s still in her knapsack

such precious cargo,

Swifly quietly

the knapsack retrieved,

Its safe and unharmed

the girl earns a reprieve,

You stretch out your wings

ready to go,

And there she stands

in moonlight soft glow,

She bows

lowly,

Standing upright

slowly,

You dip your head

then push into the sky,

Your wings beat a gale

carrying you up high,

Soaring into the night

with the life you created,

You thought it was lost

with the death of your fated,

But here in your talons

your bloodline lives on,

And you carry it safely

as you fly towards the dawn,

By the time the day starts

from these lands you’ll be gone,

A mythical story to most

but they couldn’t be more wrong…x.

Hope is a “cap de pula”

“Hi! How are you?”

Those words… those words mean I have to bend the truth. I have to find a way to tell you what you what to hear. That I’m ok. That I’m doing good. Because you don’t really want to hear that I’m not. Again. So I show you that I’m good and I spend the day with a stupid smile and a happy positive vibe for you to see. And then later? I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from the pretence. The 1 woman show that I’ve put on for everyone to see. From where I’ve worked so hard to have everyone thinking that I’m ok and that I’ve not failed again. And then despite feeling exhausted? I’m awake at night clawing at my mind like I claw at my skin. And the anxiety builds and the self doubt builds and the darkness wins a little more and I smile for everyone to see and I’m ok. And I fail. All I do is fail.

It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m supposed to have been able to kick it into touch by now. I’m supposed to have snapped out of it and stopped moping and whatever other words I’ve heard people say… the past is in the past, I’m not a child anymore… grow up and get on with it. I’ve heard it all. But some scars run deep. They fracture you and physically break something deep inside. Some broken children heal and others don’t. The ones that don’t turn into broken adults. And it’s not their fault they’re broken. It’s not my fault I’m broken. But to me? To me it’s my fault. I don’t want to be a failure. I don’t want to disappoint. So I’m ok. But I’m not… I’m tired of the games that my mind plays. I want out of it. I want to be rid of the thoughts, the memories, the flashbacks, but most of all? I want to be rid of the nightmares. The things I see when I sleep. Or the terror I feel on the odd occasion I go to the shop and hear someone with that tone of voice. I want to stop being afraid of everything and everyone. Sounds stupid? Yep I know. But it’s the truth. Looking back, I never used to be like this. This bad I mean. It started getting worse about 7 years ago. I don’t know what the catalyst was. But now I question every thing I do, think, and say. I judge myself so harshly that I don’t leave any of myself left for anyone else to judge. It’s said that we are our own worst critic. I rip myself apart before anyone else gets chance to realise just what a failure I am. Because if others found out that I was less? Then they would stay away. People hurt you. No one gets in therefore they can’t hurt me. Only I can hurt me.

Honestly? I’m tired of the whirlwind that is me. That is my mind. My thoughts. My feelings. My emotions… I’m tired of me. I’m tired of fake smiling. I want so desperately to give up and yet, there’s this tiny stupidly annoying little thing inside of me… this tiny little spark… its called hope. And as much as I loathe myself? Hope keeps shining. Hope refuses to give up. Hope keeps me going…

…sigh…

Depression/darkness/anxiety/whatever you wish to call it… they are strong and powerful things. But hope? That tiny little sparkling glimmer of hope? It’s the most powerful thing there is.

So… I’m going through bad days(again), My poems on here have stopped(again). But? I’ll be posting soon because? Hope doesn’t let me quit life.

412

410

409

You must be a musician

because You play me like an instrument,

weaving the perfect melody from my lips…

You kiss and caress

the strings of my emotions

pulling symphonies from my desires…

yes…

You must be a musician,

and I?

I Your perfect instrument…

.x.

408

I don’t fear your heart…

I fear that you’ll see mine

and think me less…

I don’t fear you

I see your scars

and the deep lines upon your face,

I just want to run my fingers across your skin

and with my fingers trace ever battle

you’ve walked through, you’ve fought.

I don’t fear the sadness within you…

I fear you’ll see the darkness that surrounds me and turn away…

I don’t fear you.

I fear I’ll never be enough

.x.

406

(My thoughts…)

Right now it’s raining,

the thunder and lightning a passion in the sky.

The rain falling like icy sharp needles and it makes my skin come alive just watching it from the window.

My skin starts to itch and thrum,

I can never explain how rain makes me feel.

I mean really feel…

I open the back door and watch as my senses come alive.

The rain coming down so hard making splash pools in the puddles across the patio,

While the kaleidoscopic grays show the depth of passion in the sky…

Its not just my vision that feasts on nature’s delights,

the sounds of thunder grumbling and growling a music to my ears along with the symphony of rain.

My sense of smell awakened by the fresh earth and clean smell. That wet smell that only rain can bring…

Sounds silly I guess and to some it’s just rain, an annoying weather they don’t like.

But to me?

To me it’s so much more…

.x.

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