….you made my storms quiet
such a gift….
….now your gone
such a curse….
.x.
I’m laying here thinking about yesterday. About all those things that happened. How after you came back to the table it was to move me just enough so that my head was hanging over it. How you leant down and kissed me, biting my bottom lip and then biting up my neck. Leaning over me so I can smell your luxurious skin as you took first one and then the other of my nipples in your mouth, swirling your tongue around and pulling on them, sucking deeply but not to hurt. More to spike erotic feelings throughout my body. So unable to help it I moaned against your skin and felt the smile as you achieved what you wanted.
Looking down into my eyes as you undid your jeans and started stroking your already hard cock between your fingers. I remember the feeling of longing as I knew how much I wanted you, wanted your pleasure, needed it. Your other hand reaching forward and pushing a finger between my lips into the warm wetness. “So beautiful and so mine.” You said. And I sucking on your finger deeply swirling my tongue around it keenly savouring the enticing taste of your skin. The soft mewl I made as you pulled your finger out with a soft pop.
The vivid memory of your smile and your words…. “Oh kitten that delectable mouth is so Mine.”
You pushed just the tip of your hard cock into my mouth as I tried to lean forward for more. The sound of your chuckle as you called me greedy and started to slowly fuck my mouth. Taking your sweet time and pleasure. Going deeper finding your rhythm and getting a little faster. Telling me it feels so good. Your hot hard cock deep inside my warm wet needy mouth. Sucking you deeply, swirling my tongue as you take it to just the head. My tongue running along your shaft. Needing you deeper harder. How I craved to be used by you for your pleasure and your pleasure alone.
You leant forward slightly, your hands grabbing my breasts as you started to take me harder, fucking my mouth deeper. Your balls touching me rubbing against me, you were getting so close and then you saying “I’m not pulling back. I’m gonna cum straight down your throat.” Thrusting your hips pushing as deep as you can. Your cock swelling inside of me. Then the feeling of you Cumming. It hitting and gushing down my throat catching my gag reflex and me having to fight it as I take all you have to offer emptying yourself completely into me. Staying until you go soft and there’s nothing on you or in you. Totally clean.
“My kitten.” You said as you laid the back of your hand against my cheek.
My thoughts turn to the way you wrapped your arms around me after you untied me. How You held me tight and told me I was Yours. Only Yours and always Yours. After you helped wipe my skin enough so that I looked clean and presentable going back to the hotel. Walking me back to my hotel room kissing me as though I was your oxygen as you had me pinned to the wall. “I have to go.” You said. And I knew you did. “Shower and rest. I’ll be here early to get you tomorrow morning. I love you kitten.” You smiled at me. That oh so sexy secret smile that makes me weak.
I remember getting in the shower feeling that sting of the hot water against my skin. Remembering how much I still need an orgasm. And you ringing,knowing my thoughts…. picking up the phone…. “kitten? No orgasms.” And my reaction meaning you knew I’d been thinking it and got busted.
Thinking about bed and you messaging me not long before…. “Get lots of sleep.” You’d said. “Your door? Set your alarm and get up early. Unlock that door and then get back in bed and go to back to sleep.”
“But anyone could enter it!” I’d messaged back. “Precisely!” You’d written back with a smiley. “Anyone can. But the only person that will? Me to claim what’s MINE!!” “Good night My beautiful little kitten. I love you very much.” Your final message.
And now here I was fighting sleep so early in the morning. The door unlocked and my eyes so heavy. Were you even up yet? I doubted it. I fell back asleep dreaming of you….
Displeasing you ….?
I feel I have mastered the art of it?
See I just don’t know….
I’ve spent the day doing what I have to, throwing myself into everything, trying to push you from my mind. But it’s not working. You’re not leaving. So many thoughts of you, clicking, spinning through. I feel lost…. like what should I do? What should I say? Act normal and pretend everything is perfect? (It’s far from it). But also you have my promise and my word…. I don’t go back on them. Ever. So I can’t bring these things up. I can’t say a damn word. Unless it’s life threatening? I honour my promises and my word.
I just really want to ask you how you feel? In fact I’m desperate to ask you. But I can’t. Pride stopping me? Nope. Not at all. More…. the sub in me says you must not question. The little? I crave you. I need your affection and where are you? Physically? I know where you are. Mentally? Emotionally? Where your thoughts are? Where your heart is? I don’t know…. I wish I did? But I don’t…. do I wish I could read minds? Yours? Yes. Just for a moment, what I would give to see inside, to know. To really know. What do you think? What do you feel? When you think of me….
I know how I feel. No shit…. no games…. not for amusement…. not an object…. not role play….
Real. That’s my word. Real. It’s the only word I need…. Real. You are so much more…. My feelings? Real.
Today? Today so far for me has been super hard…. thoughts of you are invading everything I do. Everything I think. Everything I am. And what can I do? Wait. I guess that is all I can do….
Just wait….
Wait and see what you do? What your move is? What you’re going to say? Are you going to speak? As time ticks on? I’m slowly dieing…. yup it’s affecting me. Yes it’s affecting me. And? As time carries on ticking? It’s going to carry on affecting me….
Where do I stand?
How do you feel?
Questions I can’t ask….
Troubled by my thoughts? I am just a little.
Mostly? I just do you wrong and am not good enough…. I feel as though I can never please you enough. I desire to ask what I may do to please you? But fear of upsetting you and annoying you? It’s stops and keeps me quiet….
Ugh….
Nimue Brown, David Bridger - Druidry, Paganism, Creativity, Hope
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Diary of a recovering Dom.....
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