Tag Archive: relationships


~….24 hours….~

Its 10pm and I’m so tired I

 need sleep,

My mind moves faster

my thoughts you keep,

Its 11pm 

and I’m missing you,

My Sweet my heart

you have so true,

Its 12am and at the ceiling I

stare,

I so want to message you

just to know your there,

Its 1am 

and my mind whirls on,

I know I’d never cope

if you were gone,

Its 2am 

and anxiety kicks in,

Tell me my Sweet

in which way do you sin,

Its 3am 

your better than me,

This silence is hurting

it won’t let me be,

Its 4am

wish you were here,

Damn all I want 

is just to have you near,

Its 5am getting light

outside,

From all these thoughts?

there’s nowhere to hide,

Its 6 am your going

to bad,

Try not to cry

to much I’ve said,

Its 7am 

my day must start,

You reside 

so deep in my heart,

Its 8am 

here its all go,

My Sweetness these thoughts

my heart it does know,

Its 9am

I sit on the floor,

My Sweetness these thoughts 

my emotions are raw,

Its 10am

tell me how I cope,

I’ll tell you my love

its because I have hope,

Its 11am I’m tired 

and alone, 

So wish I

could call you my own,

Its 11am

is there another lady?

I’m getting emotional

there isn’t a maybe,

Its 12pm do you dream

of me,

Do you think of the future

and what it can be,

Its 1pm 

a message from you,

My heart skips a beat

I fall in love anew,

2pm I saw

you online,

I do that to

from time to time,

Its now 3pm,

sleeps calling me,

I day dream of you

of what could be,

Its 4pm 

you send me a moon,

Fate is an ass 

I’m enveloped in gloom,

5pm and we’ve talked

I feel sad,

Your busy I’m lost

I must be so bad,

6pm our conversations no depth

I know that your busy but don’t talk to me,

Its only “I love yous”

guess I’ll leave you be,

Its 7pm 

feels like I’m falling apart,

I must of been shot

there’s a hole iny heart, 

Its 8pm 

How’re you? how’s your day,

I’m ok, its going

is all that you day,

Its 9pm 

so in love with you,

So many damn thoughts 

wonder how many are true,

Its 10pm 

I’ve been up twenty four,

My Sweetness I’m tired

but can’t sleep once more….

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Games….

Its hurts

that’s all,

You push

you pull,

You do as you do

but not as you say,

Secrets and hiding

games that you play,

A damn fucking whirlwind

not what’s on your mind,

And then she’s the bad one

for the things that she’ll find,

Ih why don’t you stop

your secrets and lies,

She’s sick of the smiling

while inside she cries,

Its simple those actions

speak louder you know,

She hangs on your word

so go with the flow,

Quit your hiding 

because with you she’ll go,

Let her in she’ll show you

things different anew,

About time you quit the games

that girl is so into you….

A moment in time….

Closer pull me closer I pull you closer 

breathe your scent,

Head bowed your eyes heavy

and I knew what that meant,

Lips they do

touch barest skin,

Burn so deeply 

from within,

Her mouth a gasp

the softest sigh,

Her skin glows heated

like sunset sky,

Teeth they bite

her legs go weak,

A neediness flows

a pleasure she seeks,

Her hands they move

finger through his belt loops,

Heart fluttering like a butterfly

jumping through hoops,

She pulls him closer

thoughts skipping down the line,

And there we should leave them

a moment in time….

.x.

~ Longing ~

I long to be that something

that your fingers always touch,

To be that little something

that you use so much,

And I desire 

to be a part,

Hidden from sight

so deep in your heart,

Those quiet hours

when in thought your alone,

Find a place deep within you

and call it my home,

I guess its those little things

that are the things that I long for,

But quite simply all I need is your smile

and I fall deeper than before….

.x.



Gypsy girl….

Gypsy girl 

dressed in red and black,

Auburn curls

fall down your back,

In the garden 

bare feet you sway,

The music transports you 

so far away,

In your sweet voice I 

hear you say,

That you think of him

every single day,

Tell me what 

it is about him,

You’ve called him the sweetest

most perfect sin,

Gypsy girl so wild 

untame, 

Tell me how your heart

he’s slain,

Tell me how he has your soul

so true,

And how anything for him

you will do,

Gypsy girl 

bare feet on earth,

You set yourself on fire

and from the ashes rebirth,

You weave your words

speak of love in waves,

You say you drown in him

and yet you he save’s, 

Gypsy girl 

dressed in red and black,

Auburn curls

fall down your back,

So tell me girl

does he own your soul,

Much more you reply

he owns me whole….

.x.

You 

you lied,

The hurt I 

died,

These tears I’ve 

cried,

You 

you don’t care,

Me 

always there,

You hurt and your not bothered

makes it so unfair, 

And I love

love love love,

Unconditionally 

your so far above, 

This kills

just don’t want this,

You only you

heart cries I miss,

Stop it 

stop it stop it all,

I’m breaking

feel the fall,

And you 

you lie,

You don’t care who you hurt

prove to yourself your wanted you try, 

One of my favourite songs

playing,

I love you

my hearts praying,

I miss you need you want you

more and more and more, 

But you lied

my legs give out the tears overtake I hit the floor,

Why? Just why just why

look at the sky,

But only a toy for you I’m

so low but you’re so high,  

Never good enough….

I wish….

But the moon has swallowed all the wishes

And says their all fake,

Meaning so little  

nothing left to take 

I give up.

I do love you and I do love you

And you lie, 

Her always her 

so many tears I give up let me sleep….

Song currently playing….

​https://open.spotify.com/track/3vledBz37cDTn57fdwQlKr

I’m not coping. I’m trying. Trying so damn hard to smile but that smile won’t appear. All that comes is tears. My emotions spin and click through a cycle I don’t even understand. I’ve always been an emotional person. That can be good and bad I guess. I feel everything to deeply. And with you? You’ve always magnified every emotion by 100. I have always loved you more for it. But right now? Right now I can’t cope. And these stupid tears? They don’t stop….

  I plucked up the courage to look in the mirror earlier. I look a mess. My eyes are all bloodshot and red. There comes a moment. That moment. That moment when your happiness snaps and disintegrates right before your eyes. If this is what loving someone completely, unconditionally, feels like? Then let me never love again. Let this be the very last time I love. I wasn’t made for hurt. Not hurt like this. I never want you to feel like this. You once told me that you don’t let people see the way you feel because they wouldn’t understand, they couldn’t. So you keep it to yourself, at the time? I thought how lonely that must feel…. but now? Now I know that I never want you to feel like this ever. I don’t want you to feel this destruction, desolation. 

  ….You think your going to be ok that your going to be alright and for those first few hours you are. Then it hits you. You start to crack, to break. You literally start falling apart. EVERYTHING falls apart. And you take a step back inside yourself as you watch helpless, you see everything crashing down and then this huge crashing wave engulfs you and all you feel is sadness gut wrenching heart breaking sadness. The kind that overtakes your very essence. It fills you and slowly starts to strip away layer upon layer of your skin. Tearing you apart. Pulling the very flesh from you. Tossing your organs on the floor. This huge monster that is sadness. It takes hold of your bones and crushes them one by one. And your just supposed to hold it all in. Your just supposed to smile and tell the world your ok when inside this utter devestation is happening. No. No I don’t ever want you to feel like that. But that’s love. Pure unconditional love. 

 I’ve just received a wordfued game request. I love that game. I play every day. The request? I can hear your voice…. I’m crying hard and trying not to. I can see every smile we’ve had playing that game. I miss you so much. I want you in my life. Without you there is something missing. Something dies. And something you take with you. And this…. I am left with this hurricane inside me ripping everything up and tearing everything apart. Destroying everything. You mean that much, it does this much damage. This poison inside me, the only cure I know is you. But you I don’t have. Part of me is dieing and I can’t fix it. I can’t cope with it. I don’t even understand it. 

The songs have skipped and I’m playing a different band. Every song is by “Nightcore” the current song is called “Let it burn” I like them anyway but I know your not keen on this particular genre so it won’t remind me of you. It didn’t work. Half the songs I’ve listened to so far have made me think of you. I even put one on the play list that reminds me of you. I don’t even know if you’ve ever listened to it. I guess you will unfollow me. In fact I don’t even want to think about it but to late, I am crying again. In a way I know I can use WordPress to write all this out because you don’t come here. I think you only ever came when I supplied you with links to specific posts. I van hear your words…. “You write so damn much woman.” But you knew, you knew that writing was/is my outlet. All those things i cant say? You’ve always known I can use words, I can write them…. It doesn’t matter any more any way. You are gone…. it’s just me and my thoughts left. Just me destroying myself on the screen as I watch the destruction within me….

  I don’t want to do this any more. I don’t even want to blink. In that split nano second I do? I see you. And I don’t want to breathe. That blinding pain with each and every breath. And I don’t want to hear because all I hear is your oh so sexy liquid velvet voice. And I don’t want to think because all I think about is you. These tears won’t stop and I’m trying so hard to make them stop but now I’m in the bathroom crying so hard that I had to stop writing I had to put the fan on and run some water to hide the sound. I can’t cope. I miss you. I miss you so much there is a coflagration within me and it will destroy whatever it can. All I can do is watch as all these elements wage war inside. 

The song that plays mocks me….  “Nightcore” “Hearts will repair” no mine won’t. You are carved so deeply upon it. Nothing and no one else matters…. 

All I can think of is you…. and the tears? The tears fall….


What I wouldn’t give for more time….

1 more minute. 1 more moment. So lucky are those that take that 1 more moment for granted. That take the hour’s,  the days spent for granted. That don’t realise there are those that would give anything for just 1 more moment. 1 more smile. 1 more word. 1 more phone call. 1 more message. 1 more thought…. 

Cat….

 Honestly? Just like the song says? I’d give up forever to touch you…. your all I want. All I’ve wanted. There is a part of me dieing and as fast as I throw logs on to it to keep its fire burning?  It drowns my fire in tears. My soul cries for you. The insides of me crumble and fall away and leave this broken shell. Tell me what do I do? I love you so damn much and it’s ripping me to shreds. I keep wondering and wandering. I’m losing my shit and falling. The waves of my tears crashing over everything. I want to be mad at you. I want you to burn like I burn and fall like I fall. I want you to know like I know. But what’s it matter? I don’t matter. Let me go up in flames and be nothing left but dust that is forgotten and blown away. My soul that ever moving storm it’s a fucking hurricane for you. Always for you. Only for you. The whole ceases to matter. Just you. Tell me how I tear you out from inside these bones? How do I release you from these veins? Mentally and emotionally? I am tearing myself apart with such ferocity that I’m destroying everything. Do I have to do this physically? Will it release me from you? Will you leave my veins? You’ve taken my smile, my joy, my happiness, I want them back. I want you back. My soul screams in the darkest depths of a hell it doesn’t understand…. it screams for you in the endless bitter blackness. It wanders alone and afraid because you are gone. 

  I want to grate the very skin from these bones. Strip the sinew and muscle away. Pull these veins apart. Pick the empty organs from these fleshless bones and toss them away one by one in furthest most hidden corners. Let this skeleton bleach white in the burning sun then fade in the darkest corner of this land. Bury it a million miles deep so that every part of my being may painfully whither away alone from the rest…. How to describe how I feel? Pretty darn close….

 I love you to such depth…. that all that’s left now? Is to die….

Why do you do it

hurt me this way,

You expect me to keep going

day after day,

I’m sick of all

your stupid lies,

Your torment on my heart

the way you pretend goodbyes,

Why make me cry

does it make you feel good,

You tell me I’m not listening

that your misunderstood,

And I say I’m sorry

sorry all the time,

And you say well what for 

and the problem it’s mine,

And things they go great 

for a day or two,

And then your here but your not

in that way that you do,

And I know what your doing

but to afraid to say,

I just let you carry on

when I should walk away….

.x.


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