Tag Archive: Poems


…Cracks…

I wanted to give up

I wanted to give up so bad,

I expected you

to be so mad,

I thought that you’ll leave

when I need you to stay,

Please please please

don’t ever go away,

I know that I’m broken

and I feel lost and alone,

and I know that’s partly my fault

And I’m wholly to blame,

The gray talks to me

pulling me into its game,

And I go

I fucking keep going,

Rational thinking

its knowing,

But I give in I’m so weak

can’t do this,

I push but it takes

the piss,

I want to

give in,

Keep drowning

within,

I keep saying I got this

I’m good,

But those are my lies

sugar-coated misunderstood,

Sugar-coated crystalline candy

love heart lies,

Because in my head I’m saying

goodbyes,

I’m slinking further

away,

I’m giving up more

every day,

But deep down

I need you to stay,

Please don’t leave though I push

you away,

I keep walking closer

closer to the edge,

It beckons and it calls me

step up to the ledge,

And I try and I fight

but I’m exhausted inside,

And I’m so damn sorry I

told you I was okay because I lied,

I want to give in,

But giving in

is a sin,

Life is so precious

and I feel so much shame,

My head is a mess

and I know I’m to blame,

I feel I’m not worthy

I should walk out life’s door,

But I’m not worth the time put a smile on

get up off the floor,

Please don’t leave

say that you’ll stay,

I’m cold with emotions

and push everyone away,

I lock myself off I

lock myself down,

And I know its my fault

I keep the gray in so I drown,

I drown quietly so

that you’ll never know,

Because I’m so ashamed of me I’m bad tainted

please don’t leave don’t go…

.x.

…shadows…

I see them the shadows

as they flit across the room,

Wreaking havoc in crevices

forboding luminescence in the gloom,

In the pained darkness in their stupor

their screams,

Slowly cracks forming

as they rip at the seams,

They echo and bounce

thrown back against the gray,

They slink and they linger

always looking to find a way,

They softly purr

feather like against the window pane,

They screech at denile of entry

they howl like mournful rain,

They creep and they scurry

and they try to blend in,

From the corners you’ll catch them

see them try to hide like a sin,

They won’t leave

me alone,

They’ve made my mind

their home…x.

Over the lake

dragonflies flit and soar,

They fly past the pond skaters

then back to the shore,

Bobber bobs

at the end of the line,

Sun through the trees

casts an iridescent dappled shine,

Breeze plays with shadows

a musical sigh,

Added to the sun’s light show

a pleasure to the eye,

Crickets sing symphonies

as the water beetles swim,

Dark shapes under water

as fish move within,

Bobber goes under

then goes on the run,

Fish took the bait

believing he’d won,

line shoots out

as he swims away,

sleeping man shoots up

“fish today ain’t your day!”

Ripples from the chase

lap the waters edge,

“I’m getting you today!”

the quiet man does pledge,

He cranks the reel handle

while fighting his prey,

That fish has had it coming

but today is his day,

A sliver of scales

a fighting big splash,

Damn fish it leaps out

quiet man lands with a crash,

But look there it is

the quiet man’s prize,

And he stares with a smile

can’t believe its size,

Holding his fish

he wades into the lake,

Come on old friend

you back home I will take,

Tomorrow I will fish I’ll be here

a new day,

From now on you won’t be

that big fish that got away”

.x.

Just so everyone knows… I’ve never fished before. I can imagine people that fish reading this and saying… “That’s NOT how you fish!” But? I was given the thought by random conversations with a quiet man that fishes and I kinda like how this turned out.

Title undeserved.

Old gateway

cracked pillars holding bleakness,

Over grown uneven path

encroaching foreboding ceaseless,

Crowded wood’s

either side of the road,

A melancholic wariness

the scene has bestowed,

Trepidation

apprehension,

Fear and flight

at attention,

Bend in the road

curves behind trees,

The unmistakable sound

twig snap on the breeze,

Heart stop mind freeze

adrenaline coils tight,

Keep walking but fear grows thankfully

it’s still light,

The day slight overcast

a sense of heaviness in the air,

A russle of leaves a crow screech

an albino one so fair,

And there it is

the house comes into view,

A darkness on the landscape

it sits between two massive yew,

Ornate arched windows

glass reflecting light,

Imagine this place all lit up

like a beacon in the night,

Warmth of breath on your neck

a whoosh in the air sharp crack,

The people in the window your last glimpse

eyes fall closed rolled onto your back,

Eyes swim into focus

roadside against a tree on the floor,

How’d you get here dreams of a house

your head hurts more and more,

Stand look across there’s an old gateway

cracked pillars iron gates shut tight,

It’s dark but you swear oh you swear

you’re being watched on this night,

Your car covered in debris and leaves

it was shiny clean when you stopped,

Looks like it’s sat here for weeks

a note under windscreen propped,

Forget

it says,

The wind brushes around you

hits the car and it sways,

Key already in the ignition

why would you leave it there,

Back out onto the road lights they catch

the dark eyes such a glare,

No one there but you feel it

you bare a mark,

You’ve been tagged by a hunter

you’ve be chosen by the dark…

Ugh… I had this pretty planned out but the last 10 lines have gone to poop so am quitting it. I’ll probably find this in a 6 months or so, lose my crap at how bad it is and rewrite it better. But for now? Here you go… more words that I don’t like. I swear I can’t write for sh@t just lately. Sigh… oh well… another day I guess… sending you all a hug through the wire.x.

Balaur…

Plated armour

shiny scales,

Smooth to touch

hard as nails,

Knowing eyes that see

so far away,

Push off from the dirt

be on your way,

Wings that glide

on gentle breeze,

Talons brush

against the tops of the trees,

A snort of heat

as thoughts get to great,

Over thinking with worry no simplicity

you state,

Soaring upwards

pushing up high,

An ebony shadow

against starry sky,

Blink and you’ll miss it

what did you see,

Was that a…

no it can’t be,

Fly over woodlands

fly over fields,

The heart wants what it wants

the heart fights the mind yields,

Sharp talons land

in softest earth,

So graceful and majestic

belies your girth,

Look through the window

spie your prey,

A mortal mere human

she’s dreaming away,

She stumbled on something

you need to retrieve,

The implications of wich

she cannot conceive,

There in the corner

near the firelights glow,

It’s still in her knapsack

such precious cargo,

Swifly quietly

the knapsack retrieved,

Its safe and unharmed

the girl earns a reprieve,

You stretch out your wings

ready to go,

And there she stands

in moonlight soft glow,

She bows

lowly,

Standing upright

slowly,

You dip your head

then push into the sky,

Your wings beat a gale

carrying you up high,

Soaring into the night

with the life you created,

You thought it was lost

with the death of your fated,

But here in your talons

your bloodline lives on,

And you carry it safely

as you fly towards the dawn,

By the time the day starts

from these lands you’ll be gone,

A mythical story to most

but they couldn’t be more wrong…x.

Happened again…

I dream of dragons

and fearless knights,

Witches and Warlocks

fairytale delights,

Fae and Werewolves

inquisitive eyes glow,

They walk so quietly

howl each other down low,

Then head tipped up

with a howl so high,

Watch Demons and nightmares

glide across the sky,

Paws hit the dirt

a galloping roar,

The coming of

a ferocious war,

Teeth snap fur flies

power and rage,

Healers heal witches chant

words from a forgotten age,

Annnndddd… again I’ve lost my thread… if I can come back to this and finish it? I’ll delete and repost but? I wanted to post this to show that this, this above, is what keeps happening. My drafts are full of stuff not finished. Too many untitled and titled posts. All because I lose the threads. I lose the magic that is weaving so eloquently down my veins.

I’ve written quite a few times about wolves. Do I believe in fairytales? Fairytales are stories, all stories come from truths told in different ways. Each truth woven throughout time into the Fairytales we love today. Without seeming even more loony than I already come as? I’ll just say I have reason to be open minded to things. Just because we can’t see something? Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, whether paranormal or supernatural. Ok I sound nuts…

Anyway… another poem for the unfinished list. …sigh… I’ll try again. Always tomorrow right? Maybe I’ll write better then… its disheartening to me just lately… I look at some blogs and they post sometimes 2 or 3 poems a day, like how are you doing that?! I struggle with posting 1 a day! Am I doing it wrong? Is it because I write it straight onto here and not on paper first? (Paper copy comes after I hit post). Hmmm….? I don’t know…

I guess in other really boring news? I went out Monday. I mean actually out walking. I was 5mins from home. I went with the eldest girl who understands my anxieties and is amazing at trying to remove my mind to other things. She holds hands, links arms and when I’m repeating I need to go home like a mantra? She’s telling me I can do it. She was brilliant Monday. It was about 9pm and we left the driveway turning left to the alleyway. That’s when it started, it started getting harder to breathe, I could feel my chest tightening and it hurt, my head started pounding and I was starting to feel dizzy. It was harder to get words out, tears started. And people wonder why I don’t go out? Honestly I love nature. Trees and fields and streams and rivers and walking without ever seeing another soul. Because that’s my fear… people. It’s not the going out, it’s people. I don’t want to be near people. Not anyone. You don’t live in my house? Go away from me. There are a few safe people but even a few of those are now no longer safe. I can’t explain this… this irrational fear of people…

Grrrrrr…

I hope your day is a great one today. I really do. I hope its good to you. Because good days are always the best. Whether its something big rhat makes us smile or something small and seemingly insignificant like a flower or a bee(I love both!). Whatever makes you smile? I hope you see it today because we all need a smile. Sending you all a hug.x.

You….

You took a blade
And carved my skin,
You used your talent
The perfect sin,
You made me fall
So deep in love,
That I would rate you
From above,
You played your game
I’m just a toy,
Here for boredom
For you to enjoy,
Someone online
Just a game,
Here until
Your enjoyment wane,
There was just one thing
You did so wrong,
You opened my heart
You gave it a song….

So now my heart
Is on the floor,
And you don’t give
A fuck anymore,
If I bleed or
If I’ve cried,
Because your toy is gone
Game died,
Tell me are you so empty inside
That you just don’t care,
And all those sweet nothings that you’ve said
Did all my words you share,
Was anything real
At all,
Or was it just a laugh
To let me fall,
Was I a pastime
For when you’re bored,
When you are all
I have adored,
So break my heart
I do love you,
I always will
Those words so true….

…Raining again…

It’s raining

I hear it I feel it slipping off my skin,

Change of temperature

a heat rising from within,

Why does the rain

always affect me,

I’ve always wondered

why it sets something in me free,

The rain drips

splish splash splish splash,

My pupils dilate

heartbeat speeds in a flash,

Drops hit the puddles

plop,

And I’m transfixed

emotions over the top,

Puddle ripples

with the onslaught of rain,

An overloaded feeling

running through my brain,

Coldness runs its icy fingers

down my skin,

Goosebumps

set off flares within,

feeling lost in waters caress,

Absorbing the magic

that it possess,

The beauty of

the rain so true,

Dark clouds covering

skies of blue…

.x.

405

Sat here thinking about you..

your the only anchor in the storm that’s in my mind…

everything else moves and whirls in my sea of thoughts and emotions but not you,

your steady and unmoving.

 I hear your voice in my mind,

soft and quiet, and yet clear.

I see the ghost of your smile as your there steady and strong.

Everything else is picked up and thrown around by my thoughts and emotions as a storm kicks up in my mind…

but not you.

You don’t move. Still and steady and strong.

Like an anchor…

.x.

Your my pleasure
your my pain,
Your endless summer
refreshing rain,
Your my darkness
elernal light,
Your my daytime
and my night,
Your my heart
and your my soul,
For you I hunger
you own me whole,
I guess your in my life
sent from above,
For I have
eternal love….
.x.

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