Tag Archive: Of broken heart and twisted mind….


~ Un-wonder-fuckfaced-land…. ~

 

I feel fuckin empty

an empty shattered dream,

Self loathing and self doubt

reality shattered at the seam,

Across the room there is a mirror

pop two pills and step up to,

Slosh them down with whisky neat

drag my joint and step on through,

So barren and so empty

fuck this ain’t wonderland,

Shriveled grey and dark

yup just fuckin grand,

Walkin down a cracked path

sweets dished out by a clown,

Say thanks and then I look at him

his face is upside down,

Up ahead there is a forest

made by brambles bare,

Past that a hill lit from the other side

lightning strikes it there,

In the forest there is a beetle

he blocks the path what can I do,

I start to cry and he bawls

his mouth is how to get through,

Going up the hill the path it gets narrow

an rocks stones they all stick up,

Trip fall slash my leg open

on sharp edge foot stuck in a rut,

Look down expect to see blood

but there’s maggots and there’s slugs,

All this blackness just keeps pouring out

it’s all slimy so many bugs,

I stumble ever onwards

the hill my crest of a wave,

Fall through a trap door but landing softly

at last yes I shout save,

Snake venom in a bottle

drink and try your luck,

I can’t move my limbs

shit I’m so dam stuck,

Gust of wind I 

tumble out a door,

I’m not where I started

but I’ve been here before,

Bugs keep pouring

out my leg,

So many oh so many

cracking out their egg,

Stumbling down my new path

hear a high-pitched shrieking noise,

Turn a corner by a craggy tree

horrific mickey toys,

Eyes sat on his cheeks

nose is pouring red,

Meat cleaver in his four hands

bollocks it I’m dead,

Old freak face mickey

he sings me a song,

Everything spins

this is so wrong,

Open my eyes I’m

sat on the floor,

Whisky bottle upside down

balanced above the door,

The mirrors not there any more

instead a painted fairground,

Where my pills and joints

hold hands and dance around,

I grab the bottle off the table

swallow a handful of pills from once full hand,

Me and my joints I’m no longer empty

in un-wonder-fuckfaced-land….

 

.x.

 

 

~ Depression and drink…. ~

 

Taste the JD on your lips

and there’s vodka by your bed,

All these feelings and confusion

your messing with your head,

Can’t remember the right

don’t figure the wrong,

You aim for the short

but carry the long,

You want to be normal

you want to be real,

Between anti-depressants and drink

you forgot how to feel,

Pick yourself up

stand back on your feet,

Yet you put on a mask

for all the people you meet,

Time to face it don’t be ashamed

your strong have some pride,

Be proud your still standing where others did fall

sure you’ll have good and bad days but don’t hide….

 

.x.

 

So true….

Do you dream….?

.x.

Endlessly wondering,

Endlessly hoping,

Endlessly thinking

oh gosh I’m sinking,

Don’t want to feel this way but

but I do,

I hate the fact

I’m into you,

Cuz in my head

back in your bed,

Just not fair

your not there,

It’s not the same

it’s just a game,

This kinda hurt

it’s such a pain,

Don’t like this feeling try to hit re-fresh don’t work

wanna feel all clean like the streets after the rain,

Endlessly running

running

why always running?

That deep seated need

to run away,

Can’t face these thoughts

this life today,

Look in the mirror

what do I see,

A shadow a ghost

someone else not me,

Feel I’m sitting

in a cage,

In a vortex

an endless rage,

Want to start again

on a clean page,

Wheres the magician

find me a mage,

So I’m closing

all the doors,

Fell through a hole

and dropped through floors,

Climbing down

the endless stair,

Wheres the bottom

it isn’t there,

Scream and scream

till I lost my voice,

I can’t stay here

I got no choice,

And then I  see

him standing there,

Laughing cuz he

doesn’t care,

My heart it stops

forgets to beat,

Your the one nightmare

I’m afraid to meet,

Look at you

on your deathly steed,

You like to chase

it fills your need,

So I start running

running, running, running,

And you

give chase,

At this

your ace,

Wake to the sound

of my own screams,

When will they stop

these demented dreams,

Look out the window

breaking dawn,

Time to get up

it is the morn,

You will chase me

again tonight,

You always stay

where there’s no light….

~ Finally they get together ~

Empty wine bottle

on the floor,

His shirt hangs precariously 

on the door,

Never dreamed of

doing this before,

Now her body’s screaming

more more more,

Slowly fingers

caress her hips,

Long deep kisses

seductive lips,

Slowly clothes on the floor

they fall,

He takes control pushes her

against the wall,

He stops and looks

see’s what hes searching for,

In her eyes he can see

she just loves him more,

He leads her over

to the bed,

He wants her so much

it don’t need to bed said,

Oh so slowly 

they entwine,

Hearts beat faster

their lost to time,

And so we leave them

on this dark night,

The only person to see them

the moon and his light….

.x.

~ For you all…. ~

Well hello, thanks for taking the time to read this…. I wanted to ask you all to help me with some inspiration….

I’ve noticed everything I write just lately is on the dark side and I want to add a bit of light to it.

So here goes….

Will as many people as possible answer this question for me in the comment section….

What makes you happy?

Thank you for reading and I look forward to any comments you leave.

A special thank you to all the people who are following me and who like my poems.

Happy hugs your way.x.x.

Walking down                    

this lonely lane,                                    

Standing in                  

the pouring rain,                    

 My mind in turmoil                          

just wanna be free,                            

Feel the cold bitter rain                                    

wash over me,                    

Each drop ice fire                                

burns my skin,                                    

Stokes my confusion                                      

pricks my anger within,                            

Hear the voices                                

in my head,                            

They make me wish                          

that I was dead,                            

Again they scream                                

just run away,                            

Just can’t take the pain                  

the thoughts today,                          

And so I’m walking                

in the rain,                        

Can’t seem to shake                      

this oppressive pain,                                

I need to live life                            

on the edge,                                

Balance on                            

 normality’s ledge,                        

Got to push it                        

way to hard,                  

Death leaves me                    

his calling card,                                    

From everyone I                              

run away,                                    

Just can’t live life                                    

like this today,                                          

Leads me back                              

to this gray lane,                                  

So desolate and empty                            

in the rain,                                              

 Can it ever wash away                              

my pain,                                  

Think I’m gonna                                

go running again…. 

If I’m honest

your in my heart,

You’ve been there so long

where do I start,

You took part of my heart

and planted a seed,

And after all of  these years

i find I need,

I’ve watched this seed

grow into a tree,

Each time it bares fruit

you take it from me….

Dam life is so hard sometimes….

Bathed in sweat and moonlight

back arched up against these pains,

Wrists split cut and bleed

can’t break free of these tight reins,

My heart it just beats faster

like a steady beating drum,

My skin it starts to tingle

a real strange rhythm starts to hum,

and then I hear the creaking

foot steps coming up the stair,

On my constraints I pull much harder

my eyes fill with despair,

Slowly the door opens

a shadow fills the room,

He closes the door and stands there

a heavy weight in the gloom,

I tried to plead and plead with him

but my throat closes like a vice,

My minds raging body’s burning

but I shiver like I’m ice,

I hear him sighing deeply

as he walks across the room,

My heart reaches a crescendo

with the knowledge of impending doom,

As he moves across the floor

something glints quite brightly,

Something silver in his hand

that he grips so tightly,

I feel I’ve been plunged

down a hole,

Want to beg be swift

release my soul,

He reaches for my binds

not making a sound,

The policeman my rescuer

I have finally been found….

Got you all didn’t I!!!!

Sulaiman Hafeez

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