Tag Archive: music


Rollercoaster…

Emotions are a strange thing. I mean we need them they create a balance(supposedly), they allow us to express our feelings *picks up my mask* emotions are important(builds a wall around them). But… What happens when a person’s emotions become too unpredictable? What happens when they yoyo and become “wobbly” ? *calls in the demolition crew*

Imagine you’re on a rollercoaster. There are climbs, some to dizzying heights. There are swooping lows, some going so deep and down hill so fast that they are terrifying. There are loops and spins and thrills and anticipation and anxiety… then there are the parts where you’re just going in a straight line and you can’t see whats in front is it going to be a little dip? A little bounce? Or a sharp fall, like you’re free falling off the face of the earth? The straight becomes scary as you’ve no idea what’s going to happen. Anxiety builds in the pit of your stomach. Now imagine that the rollercoaster is in the dark with flashing lights and sounds and smells and memories blasted at you randomly, think of your biggest fears and worse nightmares, the depth defying soul crush despair and sadness and fear, but throw in happiness and laughter and light and warmth. Its all coming at you. Now add the fact the rollercoaster is going backwards so you just can’t see what’s going to happen next. Feel sick yet? Welcome to how my emotions are affecting me.

I feel like I’m currently walking a tightrope and I’m wobbly… I’m on that straight bit on the rollercoaster and I’m scared. I don’t want to drop back into the depths because that seems to be the only place I go this year. I don’t get enough happy climbs. I know what you’re going say… if I want to be happy? I need to think happy. I need to change what’s making me unhappy. I’m telling you that it’s just not that simple and I can hear you saying that it is… its not. And I really want to explain why its not that simple but you’ll never understand and if I opened myself up enough to explain why? Then I’m letting you in and I can’t let people in because people hurt you. I don’t want to be hurt. I’ve been hurt so many times. I’d rather keep everyone out and not be hurt. I know what you’re thinking… That’s a sad way to be. But it’s not. It’s not because my fear of having that fragile child within me hurt again outweighs everything. To the outside world I’ve got my shit together, I’m just about always smiling. I’m quiet. But people never get in. No one gets near that fragile glass center that is me. Eccedentesiast. That’s me.

Here is different. Here on this blog, this space… its my safe place. Here there are no walls and I write. The most fragile form of me is here in the posts on my space. I crumble and build. Here I show I can give the love I so desperately crave back. Here I can rip my veins open and let my mind, heart and soul pour out. Here it doesn’t matter if I’m held together with broken string some days and good intentions others. Because Here I am safe.

So… here in my little safe place I have decided to make a nest of blankets and pillows and soft stuffs. You’re most welcome to come and get comfy. If you’re having a bad day? Come snuggle in. Don’t worry if you don’t want to talk. I don’t mind because I understand what bad days are like. If you just want a safe place to sleep? Here’s an extra pillow because I know how difficult sleep can be. If you need someone to listen? I’m here… oh… you don’t want to share with a female. That’s ok! See that guy with his head buried in a book? He’s like you. I’m sure he’ll listen. The point is that this right here? We don’t judge here. We won’t look at you with pity. We understand what it’s like to crumble and build ourselves. We understand the darkness and desolation. We understand the need for peace and quiet(and extra soft stuffs to get comfy in).

Now I’ve left you my thoughts… I’m going to leave you some songs. These I’ve just taken from my list that has played while I’ve written. I’ll try to give YouTube links for all of them. If there’s one thing I love? It’s music so I’m always open to a new song and I listen to every genre(not that this list is going to be varied). Here goes…

There you go… 12 songs in the order they played on my playlist as I wrote/stared off into space…

Sending you all a hug.x.

Writing to a song…

I wanted to tell you

that I’d searched stars to find your smile,

That I stopped at your words

and pondered for a while,

That for me the moon showered you

in truths and I fell deeper under your glow,

I felt passion roar as strong as the ocean

when you smiled and you know,

I know that you know

as you give me that cock grin,

And desire swirls inside me

overflowing from within,

And your sweet touch filling me

with electricity bursting through,

My body my mind lost

lost and found by you…

.x.

Written to the song…

Where ever you will go.

By

The Calling.

.x.

Music dictates….

​Sweet soft whispers 

fairytale smile,

Take hold and game play

just for a while,

Hearts

you capture,

Minds

enrapture,

And all the while

its just a game,

Another heart

another name,

The epitome of

the doomsday book,

Look at all the hearts

you’ve took,

And everyone else

yeah their to blame,

For falling for

your sweetest game,

I was writing this to music and letting the music dictate the words but the style of music has changed and I’ve lost the thread as my thoughts change. Ugh…. Attention span of a hyperactive child dosed up on sugar….

Sleep….

​https://open.spotify.com/user/nemtansell/playlist/1XsCDreXnhDYgVgOIq7jYu

Sing me to sleep on the lullaby of you. Carry my heart on the dreams so true. Love so pure you know it’s true. Loyal unconditional always for you…..x.

~ ….Rain…. ~

It’s raining
and I feel it running down my skin,
That harsh sharp cold
that sets off the vibration within,
Running in rivulets
clothes and hair soaked through,
Sets the fire within me roaring
and my thoughts they turn to you,
Listening to that sound
the water pouring down,
And I am enveloped
a sea of you I drown,
It’s raining
sweet soft summer rain,
It draws my thoughts you
such predictability I am slain,
It’s raining
warmth and water travel across my skin,
Hesitation in daydreaming
the sweetest fucking sin,
The sound of the rain
it’s music does surround,
Soaking my skin dancing in the rain
to its rhythm I am bound….

.x.

Music….

Feeling it enter
entwine with my heart,
Gliding with my rhythm
shock my senses from the start,
Drum a little louder
coursing through my veins,
Cascading down my nerves
awaken back beat rains,
Beats play with
my pressure points,
Melody dances
in my joints,
Let the rhythm surge on faster
push the boundaries of my mind,
I see the music in all its glory
in every colour I can find….

.x.

Inspired by….
“Eyes Closed” By Netsky.

9….

image

~ Orchestra…. ~

Your sweetest sorrowful song

fire lighted hairs upon my neck,

Shiver kisses across my skin 

my breath not held in check,

My mind stalled at the notes

your voice a sweet butterfly,

Pulled at my heart a spellbinding beauty

of that I can’t deny,

You flutter so softly

as you fall to the floor,

And then rise so gracefully

with a passion once more,

You lay an icicle

on my spine,

You don’t play a melodious ruling

line,

You sing a song

of fate,

Of a destiny

that cannot wait,

Piano oh piano

play this song again for me,

Violinists please re show

how you release the music so free,

Cellists bassoonist flute

clarinet,

Weave your story in harmony

leave me breathless and yet,

Tantalize me wash over me

the melody s story of passion and pain,

Hit me with the love regret and heartbreak

leave me truly slain,

Your story nearly finished

the music fading away right now,

The conductor ends the harmony

then turns for a final bow….

 

.x.

~ Rave…. ~

 

Look in your eyes take a breath

feel the rain splash down,

Take your sorrows take your fear

make a smile from your frown,

Feel the rhythm feel the beat

let it echo in your soul,

Let the power of the music

fill your senses make you whole,

Ride the wave of feelings

emotion heartbeat rush,

All the ravers in this place as one

we feel the musics heat its crush,

Pulse of music swirls around

kaleidoscopic colours mixed with rain,

The ravers and the DJ

a united euphoric chain….

 

.x.

~ He plays Bach…. ~

Oh piano player

your fingers do take flight,

The white the black the black the white

you set my soul alight,

Caressed keys cascade the melody

that makes my being swell,

And then you play my favourite song

and so the tear drops fell,

You weave a simple story

intricately laced and told,

Captivating all around you

breathtaking to behold,

The room overflows with pleasure

at your magic touch,

You are merciless with the keys

giving your all to what we want so much,

When the show is over

our held breaths released for now,

We will talk about the spellbinding magic

long after your final bow….

.x.

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