Tag Archive: me


Just a random me….

  Do you question things? Me, I question everything, everyone, myself. I would rather push people away before the chance happens that I could get hurt. It makes life easier (at least I think it does)…. There are times I just wish I could let go, not worry about the consequences. But I guess to do that you need to be comfortable within your own skin. As much as I don’t let much faze me, I’m still awkwardly uncomfortable within myself.  I can’t even look in the mirror without disliking what I see…. that constant reminder of the past that I fight so hard to block and forget, if I didn’t look so much like her would it be easier?
  My nightmare came last night, it’s the first time in weeks. So many years and always the same thing….haunting me. I stood in the bathroom washing my face in the early hours reminding myself that it’s just a dream. I haven’t had a glass of JD to help me sleep in the early hours for ages now, but all I wanted was a glass and to sit on the kitchen floor. Old habits I guess….?

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That’s me…. So “Hi!”

I don’t like photo’s. I’m trying to, but it’s hard. All I see is her, growing up in care from the age of 6, I didn’t even live with her for most of my life, but still she’s what I see. They say you can’t choose your family but I have….

So I guess this post is just my random thoughts spilling across the screen….
Currently listening to The Goo Goo Dolls “Sympathy” , I am definitely a huge fan of them….

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But when they have lyrics like these it’s easy to like the band….

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“Iris”
So now I’ve found pics for them…. the music has changed again and it’s…. Ray LaMontagne “Let It Be Me.”  Totally different but equally a great song.
  My aim for today is a simple one….
….No nightmares tonight….
Should be easy right?!

The song changes again…. Gabe Dixon “One thing.” Which I skipped. Skipping the next one to…. Natalie Taylor “Latch.” 

Chase Rice “Every Song I Sing.”

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Well my playlist is gonna play and I have things to do….

….Fingertips graze
          barest skin,
Heartbeat shudders
          heat builds within,
Hands
          grasp,
Mouths
          gasp….

Am i in the mood to write? Maybe later….

Wishing you all an amazingly chilled out but incredibly happy weekend.x.

.x.

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Part 1….

I feel….

Haunting melody

make it real,

Cuz stormy angers

all I feel,

Drifting thru a 

dense dark wood,

So much chaos

so misunderstood,

Blinding shaft of moonlight 

hits the course hard ground,

I’m standing at a

forked path there ain’t no way around,

There is not a sound

no inkling nor no clue,

Lost empty and left wondering

just what should I do,

Down each path lays hurricane memories

destruction pain fear self doubt lies,

Down each path the pain

the person the people that lay behind my thunderstorm the goodbyes,

Fragmented pictures torment

my mind,

Until closing me off from the world

pushing everyone away is the only respite I find,

There once was a time I 

believed death was the way,

But then these nightmares win and I’m stubborn

so this bitch is here to stay,

And pills I guess they work

as long as they’re always took,

Until I have the courage to stand up and face them

from my hatred of myself and certain others I will never be off the hook,

So this is me I walk hand in hand with nightmares horrors unimaginable 

my whirlwind is real,

The pen the paper words spilled emotions raw this is me and

I feel….

 

 

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