Tag Archive: Love


Sweetness….

This time that

has past,

My Sweetness

did you think it’d last,

So much 

and we grow,

My dearest Sweetness I

want you to know,

My heart and soul

they call for you,

You rule my veins

and mind so true,

My Sweetness tell me

do you see,

The profound affect

you have on me,

With you is where I

want to be,

No other place I

would do it for me….

~ Longing ~

I long to be that something

that your fingers always touch,

To be that little something

that you use so much,

And I desire 

to be a part,

Hidden from sight

so deep in your heart,

Those quiet hours

when in thought your alone,

Find a place deep within you

and call it my home,

I guess its those little things

that are the things that I long for,

But quite simply all I need is your smile

and I fall deeper than before….

.x.



You inside….

​I wish I could enter 

your mind,
Oh so many secrets

would it scare me what I’d find,
I’d walk those corridors

sparking light as I go,
Its not your secrets they’re safe

just your thoughts I want to know,
I’d spark spirals of light with fingers

running off into the dim,
Scale your high walls

find the you from within,
Inside I know your filled with forests

lush green with thoughts anew,
I catch glimpses sometimes

it makes me fall even deeper for you,
 I want to face your nightmares

each and every one I’d slay,
So you could rest easy each and every night

and wake with a smile each day,
As time goes on and I’ve learnt so much

i know all I desire is more,
Those breathtaking glimpses when you let your guard down

i want you even more than before,
I see it in your pictures sometimes

when your mind is definitely not here,
Those times I wish I could pull you closer

and ask to let me near,
The perfect equation good bad dark light 

so true,
Please don’t hide from this girl

who is so in love with you….
.x.

Gypsy girl….

Gypsy girl 

dressed in red and black,

Auburn curls

fall down your back,

In the garden 

bare feet you sway,

The music transports you 

so far away,

In your sweet voice I 

hear you say,

That you think of him

every single day,

Tell me what 

it is about him,

You’ve called him the sweetest

most perfect sin,

Gypsy girl so wild 

untame, 

Tell me how your heart

he’s slain,

Tell me how he has your soul

so true,

And how anything for him

you will do,

Gypsy girl 

bare feet on earth,

You set yourself on fire

and from the ashes rebirth,

You weave your words

speak of love in waves,

You say you drown in him

and yet you he save’s, 

Gypsy girl 

dressed in red and black,

Auburn curls

fall down your back,

So tell me girl

does he own your soul,

Much more you reply

he owns me whole….

.x.

I want to tell you that I think of you 

when the sun goes down,

And I think of those eyes such a depth

and I drown,

You’ve got 

this key,

And it unlocks something

so deep inside of me,

I drown in you

and I care not,

Until there’s only you

everything else forgot,

And I know that I often 

get things wrong,

But know that my heart

to you belong,

That you would but see

the same in me,

When I see nothing but you

for eternity….

.x.


Let me fall….

Current song….

  So much on my mind I’ve hardly slept. 

I swear I’m clawing

at the walls of my own mind, 

And I’m crying and I’m failing

everywhere is you I find,

I’m shouting and I’m screaming

the wind whips the words away,

But I guess it doesn’t matter

you don’t hear what I say,

My heart and soul keep crying for you

so I play the music so loud,

But it just can’t go up high enough

to block their deafening sound,

 

There are times…. not many but yes times, where there are so many words, far to many words, and I fall into the abyss of them. I love words, I adore words. I love how you break them down and put them back together. How they can bring joy or heartache. How they can build you up or strip you bare. But there are so many words swirling in a never ending vortex and I just want to give up and not write. Let them just envelope me instead.

Current song….

“Don’t know what you’ve got.” By “Cinderella.” 

I give up today.

My every breath is stained  with your name….

(Just to make life worse? The song that has just started playing? “Til my last day.” Right now? I give up….)

I can’t stay away, these doors are always open, this heart always welcoming, this soul always yours. Bound….

You 

you lied,

The hurt I 

died,

These tears I’ve 

cried,

You 

you don’t care,

Me 

always there,

You hurt and your not bothered

makes it so unfair, 

And I love

love love love,

Unconditionally 

your so far above, 

This kills

just don’t want this,

You only you

heart cries I miss,

Stop it 

stop it stop it all,

I’m breaking

feel the fall,

And you 

you lie,

You don’t care who you hurt

prove to yourself your wanted you try, 

One of my favourite songs

playing,

I love you

my hearts praying,

I miss you need you want you

more and more and more, 

But you lied

my legs give out the tears overtake I hit the floor,

Why? Just why just why

look at the sky,

But only a toy for you I’m

so low but you’re so high,  

Never good enough….

I wish….

But the moon has swallowed all the wishes

And says their all fake,

Meaning so little  

nothing left to take 

I give up.

I do love you and I do love you

And you lie, 

Her always her 

so many tears I give up let me sleep….

Song currently playing….

​https://open.spotify.com/track/3vledBz37cDTn57fdwQlKr

I’m not coping. I’m trying. Trying so damn hard to smile but that smile won’t appear. All that comes is tears. My emotions spin and click through a cycle I don’t even understand. I’ve always been an emotional person. That can be good and bad I guess. I feel everything to deeply. And with you? You’ve always magnified every emotion by 100. I have always loved you more for it. But right now? Right now I can’t cope. And these stupid tears? They don’t stop….

  I plucked up the courage to look in the mirror earlier. I look a mess. My eyes are all bloodshot and red. There comes a moment. That moment. That moment when your happiness snaps and disintegrates right before your eyes. If this is what loving someone completely, unconditionally, feels like? Then let me never love again. Let this be the very last time I love. I wasn’t made for hurt. Not hurt like this. I never want you to feel like this. You once told me that you don’t let people see the way you feel because they wouldn’t understand, they couldn’t. So you keep it to yourself, at the time? I thought how lonely that must feel…. but now? Now I know that I never want you to feel like this ever. I don’t want you to feel this destruction, desolation. 

  ….You think your going to be ok that your going to be alright and for those first few hours you are. Then it hits you. You start to crack, to break. You literally start falling apart. EVERYTHING falls apart. And you take a step back inside yourself as you watch helpless, you see everything crashing down and then this huge crashing wave engulfs you and all you feel is sadness gut wrenching heart breaking sadness. The kind that overtakes your very essence. It fills you and slowly starts to strip away layer upon layer of your skin. Tearing you apart. Pulling the very flesh from you. Tossing your organs on the floor. This huge monster that is sadness. It takes hold of your bones and crushes them one by one. And your just supposed to hold it all in. Your just supposed to smile and tell the world your ok when inside this utter devestation is happening. No. No I don’t ever want you to feel like that. But that’s love. Pure unconditional love. 

 I’ve just received a wordfued game request. I love that game. I play every day. The request? I can hear your voice…. I’m crying hard and trying not to. I can see every smile we’ve had playing that game. I miss you so much. I want you in my life. Without you there is something missing. Something dies. And something you take with you. And this…. I am left with this hurricane inside me ripping everything up and tearing everything apart. Destroying everything. You mean that much, it does this much damage. This poison inside me, the only cure I know is you. But you I don’t have. Part of me is dieing and I can’t fix it. I can’t cope with it. I don’t even understand it. 

The songs have skipped and I’m playing a different band. Every song is by “Nightcore” the current song is called “Let it burn” I like them anyway but I know your not keen on this particular genre so it won’t remind me of you. It didn’t work. Half the songs I’ve listened to so far have made me think of you. I even put one on the play list that reminds me of you. I don’t even know if you’ve ever listened to it. I guess you will unfollow me. In fact I don’t even want to think about it but to late, I am crying again. In a way I know I can use WordPress to write all this out because you don’t come here. I think you only ever came when I supplied you with links to specific posts. I van hear your words…. “You write so damn much woman.” But you knew, you knew that writing was/is my outlet. All those things i cant say? You’ve always known I can use words, I can write them…. It doesn’t matter any more any way. You are gone…. it’s just me and my thoughts left. Just me destroying myself on the screen as I watch the destruction within me….

  I don’t want to do this any more. I don’t even want to blink. In that split nano second I do? I see you. And I don’t want to breathe. That blinding pain with each and every breath. And I don’t want to hear because all I hear is your oh so sexy liquid velvet voice. And I don’t want to think because all I think about is you. These tears won’t stop and I’m trying so hard to make them stop but now I’m in the bathroom crying so hard that I had to stop writing I had to put the fan on and run some water to hide the sound. I can’t cope. I miss you. I miss you so much there is a coflagration within me and it will destroy whatever it can. All I can do is watch as all these elements wage war inside. 

The song that plays mocks me….  “Nightcore” “Hearts will repair” no mine won’t. You are carved so deeply upon it. Nothing and no one else matters…. 

All I can think of is you…. and the tears? The tears fall….


What I wouldn’t give for more time….

1 more minute. 1 more moment. So lucky are those that take that 1 more moment for granted. That take the hour’s,  the days spent for granted. That don’t realise there are those that would give anything for just 1 more moment. 1 more smile. 1 more word. 1 more phone call. 1 more message. 1 more thought…. 

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