Tag Archive: Ideas

~ You…. ~

It’s funny how every day goes by
with a memory to remind me of you,
It’s the tiny little things that get to me most
that pull at my heart so true,
It’s the look of a man walking
or I hear a strangers voice,
And my heart it takes a leap
my mind it has no choice,
All of a sudden my thoughts
they all go,
And all I can think of
is you mixed with snow,
The cold fresh and white
and the warmth of your skin,
The sound of your words
and I’m losing it within,
That’s when I remember your so far
your not near,
And how sometimes I’d give anything
just to have you here,
The way you make me smile
and how we can talk all night long,
How you think of me during the day
and send me a song,
How we can talk about anything
our hopes and our dreams,
And your always here beside me
when I fall apart at the seams,
I guess you mean more to me
than you’ll ever know,
But as time it goes on
it will probably show,
All you need to know
and know this from the start,
I carry your name
so deep in my heart….


For Pelle, Winna, and Pluto….
Hugs to all of you…..x.x.x.x.


~ Sky…. ~

Above so pink
like first loves blush,
Bleed to gray purple blue
in such a rush,
And so with
the slowly setting sun,
You ever so slowly
come undone,
You give up your glory
across the view,
You never lie
but change your mind often tis true,
The wind pushes cloud
another storm on its way,
What surprises do you have
as night takes the day,
The ligt pollution gives off
an illuminated glow,
As I stand on the hill
and look at the city below,
The wind rushes hard attacks
trampoline Wendy house trees,
All are tucked up
small animals birds bees,
The pink all now gone
just the lilacs blues grays,
The wind howls of the bitter cold
like it has the past few days,
Not dark enough for stars yet
of that I can see,
Carry on sky weave your story
tell it to me….


~ Ended…. ~



Falling apart I’m just

falling apart,

There’s nothing left to grow

there’s nothing to start,

Like a fluttery beat

of a nearly dead heart,

I’m so tired of this

like a broken down cart,

Let me drink that bottles bottom

and then will I start,

Release the demon from my wrists

tear me my skin apart….





~ You say…. ~



So I ask you again is this what you want

there’s so much blood on your hands,

And your making yes your making

so many many demands,

And your changing yes your changing

ripping layers off your skin,

So much life blood so bright red

your drowning you just sin,

You say your falling your just falling

you’ve forgotten right from wrong,

You say there’s no redemption

there ain’t no brand new song,

The road you travel

is so dark,

It’s barren

and it’s stark,

You once said your like reverse origami

peel back the layers and your there,

But you’ve peeled to much there’s nothing left

your empty warmth less bare,

You say you’ve got the fire of a demon

that your pulled apart inside with rage,

All the tears that have been shed because of you

your mind should be in a cage,

Your changing yes your changing

a mere shadow of yourself,

All the confusion and frustration

it’s fucking with your health,

You say your damaged torn and broken

you say there’s nothing left on the insides,

But hidden in the dark deep inside of you

a ….



….That moment when

      you look my way….

…. And I

forget how to breathe….



My son plays this game, you might of heard of it, in fact all my children play it but my son is  good at it. Its called Adventure Quest Worlds it’s an MMORPG. He was trying to do 2 different things last night ( and failing ), when he asked me if I could battle these monsters. Why not? So there I am killing skeletal warriors, skull warriors and undead infantry bringing down my sword ( The Tormenter), and they aren’t even the cool ones. Dage? His armour? And sword? Yup I most definitely want that outfit in my closet, and yep I’m  serious!! Anyway a little inspiration hits and….



A little thought….


~ Battle…. ~


Men men

so many men,

So tired and weary

and yet and then,

Cut and scarred

dented and bruised,

Bloody from battle

mercilessly used,

A pawn on the chessboard

a pawn in his hand,

You can’t kill the dead

that walk across this land….





Part 2….

So I wasn’t really sure whether to write on here again? Is it a good idea? I don’t know…. So much has happened since November.

I’m fighting depression -and yeah I know I’ve said in posts on here that I don’t have depression- cuz to me to admit is to say I am weak, and weakness, is unacceptable. I stopped taking my tablets just before christmas. I didn’t like how they made me feel,think, how they numbed the edges of real, how they fuzzed the edges of squares and made them all freaky circles. I cared, I functioned normal but, I just wasn’t bothered, didn’t want to argue, didn’t have an opinion. I just was….

So new tablets and new doc to talk to ( I don’t like the “P” word or maybe it’s just the “IST” bit I don’t like? I don’t know.)  This new docs ok, he has taken the time to read my file but most importantly is taking his time letting me talk and not asking about the fuck off huge Demon playing with fire glaring menacingly in the room. I think maybe that’s why I don’t like Mental health professionals. The ones I’ve been involved with through out my life want to get from 1 – 10 in a straight line as quickly as possible and don’t like the fact that I have a half million obstacles to go around, just to get from 1 – 2 most of which have been created with the sole purpose so that I don’t get hurt.

When I think of depression, I think of people with suicidal thoughts or tendencies. I think of people that would harm others, ie kill because they believe there is no better life on this Earth. I don’t think of the everyday depression, the one that affects millions of people. Maybe it’s time I did? People with depression are normal, they can act, function and appear as though nothing is wrong at all. I did/do. My noticeable depression was when I “crashed”  just before Christmas about 8 days after stopping my tabs. Looking back I knew I was going to crash, the signs were all there, I just didn’t/never do, see them till after. When its to late….

So, if your still reading this, you may be this must of had a huge impact on my children? Strangely no. Like I said before, people can act perfectly normal with depression.  I mean they grew up with my fear of being touched and that I flinch if someone puts their arms around me. They’ve helped me fight this with out even knowing. Just by being them, constantly throwing their arms around me and in how much I love them and how protective of them I feel. So hugs are now becoming a little easier and I can give some to others without feeling sick. As for hugging my kids? no probs there.

So what next for me and wordpress? To be honest I don’t know…. I have some poems that can still go on here. The poem Part 1 to this, is only the 5th poem I’ve written this year. I don’t want people that read my page to see it all writing and say something like…. Oh it’s to much writing on here now, I only follow for the poems. Then un follow. I don’t want to make it to “gray and gloomy” either as you don’t need to read and then feel grim. I’m going to think about this today, what I want from WP.

Well if you got all the way down here then firstly, I should check your awake and most importantly you haven’t died of boredom somewhere along the way? Hmmm? pulse checked. airways and breathing checked. Eyes open lookin at me strangely? Yup, you’re good to go! Thanks for reading my spilled thoughts, littered words, rambling letters, and sorry for the numerous grammatical errors (Yup there’s loads).

Take care all of you out there at the other end of the wire.


~ To the guy with the blue eyes…. ~


Super sexy kisses

in the rain,

The force of you it hits me

like a train,

Hands they linger

set my skin on fire,

The heat of you

burns at my desire,

Eyes that smoulder  they do

make my knees go weak,

My hands up your shirt on your skin

make me dizzy for what I seek,

Sultry kisses deeper

strong hands exploring,

Trembling with desire

body mind want need more imploring….



I’ve never ever liked a guy with blue eyes in that sense and , although this poem is sexual, the 3 words that gave me the inspiration were anything but. You don’t know it but, to the guy with the blue eyes thank you for the inspiration.x.


~ Title not needed…. ~

Screaming screaming screaming

at you,

You drive me crazy

in all you do,

I despise you I don’t want

an us together,

Ya dumped ya shite

cuz we ain’t forever,

We argued we shouted

my grandmas vase you hurled,

My anger exploded within

and then in flames unfurled,

Your precious golf clubs 

your precious car,

The best way to take out my anger

by far,

You ripped up my roses

pissed on my dogs grave,

So I splintered your windscreen

the door windows you wont save,

You shout “Ya fuckin bitch!

ya wanna play games? we’ll see”,

Then saunter back in the house

after smiling at me,

Run for the door but I’m to late

hear an almighty crash,

My antique heirloom tea set

crushed just like its trash,

Before I know what I’m doing

i’ve picked up a chair,

Straight across your back

i’ve hit you dead square,

When the police enter

they can’t believe what they see,

Me with a poker you a marble obelisk

both mad as can be,

They shout but we don’t notice

glare at each other snarl and frown,

The police they do take over

tackle each of us down,

To cut a long story short

the judges anger management we attend,

We realise we love and want to be together

we’ll work at it…. The end



~ ·· ···· ··· ~

Empty footsteps
upon the hill,
Silent marching
picturesque in the still,
A heartbeat devoted
to times gone by,
All that’s left is the memory
captured in minds eye,
Serve your country
serve it well,
You don’t grace us the horrors
you smile never tell,
You say its alright
it’s ok not that bad,
Your wife she collapsed
your friends all so sad,
It’s gonna be ok
shit happens I’m living life you said,
And now the truth is we’d sell our souls
to have you here and not dead….


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