Tag Archive: hope


How are you? No seriously. Its not a trick question. How are you? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How are you coping with the kiddos? With work? With life? With covid? How are you?

I could comment how I’ve been having a bad day. A bad few days. How today I’ve felt to numb to even cry. I could tell you how today was first day back at school for my youngest 3. Google classrooms open all day. I salute you every single teacher who is working on Google classrooms and doing their best. You’ve got this shit! Keep going! Even when the answer was clearly Southwest but you put the 4 four choice answers as Northwest, Northeast, South and East. Its all good. She knew she was right and kept going. You’re only just starting back and the pressure on you is immense. No sarcasm. I do understand.

I could tell you how at 20:00 tonight? Our PM(England. I’m in Lincolnshire), said that exams are not happening and me spending time with my 15 year old (the one that has dyslexia), calming her and letting her know its going to be ok. She’s so worried that this means she’s failed because its not just what the amazing support network of her subject teachers know she can do… its proving it to some random invigilator that yes… I can prove R…….. can do the work because she handed in this, this and this. My daughter is scared. She’s worried how this is going to affect her for college. My 6th former? Hes asleep and I dont have the heart to wake him and make him worry all night. Let him sleep and im going to be there for him tomorrow as we talk and get through it. I’m so so so glad he’s already done Science and got an A*. I could tell you how my year 7(my 11 year old is not learning like we did when we were 11. Nor is she learning how any of her brothers or sisters learnt when they were 11. She’s not learning those socially accepted norms and values that you only seem to learn in Secondary school. But? She’s adapting. She’s trying. She’s got her friends to play and chat with online and over the phone(I knew those free minutes were a good thing!). I had her doing PE today in her PE kit. So not impressed with me but? We’ve decided to do PE together last lesson every Monday and Friday(I’ll be crawling by the end!).

So while I could tell you about all of this? I’m not going to go into any detail. I’m not going to tell you how I’m feeling or my worries about my kiddos, my worry about my kiddo who has kidney problems and how he worries. I’m not gonna say how how I worry about the kiddos dad and his health problems putting him at high risk just like my kiddo with the kidney problems.

You’re probably wondering what I’m thinking about and why I’m writing? So here’s what I’m thinking about and? Why I asked you… How are you? Things are hard. 2020 was a hard year across the world and 2021 wasn’t going to change and be better as soon as we hit January 1st. Be realistic. Things WILL get better. But they’ll take time. So people will lose their jobs and find money even harder(it happened last year,its still happening). Key workers will be over stretched and work ridiculous hours(I was talking to my daughters best friends sister who works in a shop that is twins with a country name(no secret advertising here!), she handed in her notice as she’s so over worked, long story short? Its being sorted and she’s staying). Teachers are having to consistently change things with little notice. People are going to struggle. People’s mental health is going to be affected. Some people with have no one and be completely isolated and alone. Kiddos whether in single digits or double digits will be struggling just like last year…

I know what our house is going through and those few that are close to us? I know what they’re going through. We will get there. Out there at the other end of the wire? Are people who have it 10, 20, or 100 times worse than me and mine. It could be you reading this… so I’m asking… How are you?

Sending all of you at the other end of the wire a massive virtual hug from me.x.

…Little thought…

…2021…


I’m gonna make this a short post… loads of people be out there getting drunk at home  and heres me wondering whether I should shower or make Chamomile tea? but seriously… I got thinking about how far I’ve come this year, I’ve done good. Okay this people thing is getting worse but I’m a work in progress! To be honest it has been a hard year for everyone. A few people I know have died this year, 2 covid related, 4 cancer and 5 from longterm medical illness 1 of which died in the operating theatre. But my year has had good stuff to… a lady I know who got told she’d never get pregnant naturally? Has her due date as February the 1st. My eldest girl passed her level 3 animal management course. My 6th former got an A* for Science, he does his other exams this year and then who knows… my baby started the secondary Academy. My dyslexic 15year old had her project praised by the harshest teacher in school(this is huge as the teacher has always looked down her and her spelling). My eldest passed his forklift truck licence(off the top of my head i can’t remember what that kind of forklift is called). There are so so many great things that have happened this year that im truly thankful for, too much to write… but another? I made a new friend we’ll call her A and she’s from WordPress and I am so so glad to have become friends with her. Big hugs A💛(and she’s super awesomely amazing!!)  So anyway…Heres to the new year and all it has to bring. Heres to reading so many more amazing posts that you all write. Where ever you are for the start of 2021? May you have a Happy New Year and may it be filled with good health, smiles, happiness and love. 5 minutes to go 😉
Hugs you all.x.

Just 1 more….


What I wouldn’t give for more time….

1 more minute. 1 more moment. So lucky are those that take that 1 more moment for granted. That take the hour’s,  the days spent for granted. That don’t realise there are those that would give anything for just 1 more moment. 1 more smile. 1 more word. 1 more phone call. 1 more message. 1 more thought…. 

13….

image

We are the same….

pic4

 

.x.

 

 

~ Untitled form the heart…. ~

 

 

Be strong be strong

they can’t see you cry,

Be the strong one

this is not a goodbye,

Some days weeks months

but not for to long,

Let just the page see your tears

be these words your heart song,

We need you we need you

your our rock anchor glue,

Your the magic word family

that binds us so true,

Get better get well

the recovery will be slow,

You are our heart

we need you so,

Be strong be strong

can’t let them see me cry,

Show everyone I’m strong

only these words see the lie,

Partner dad your our center

you hold us together so true,

Get well soon my love

your our rock anchor glue,

Only words will see me break

we really need you….

 

.x.

 

 

~ Text…. ~

 

I am your fool and always here for you.

As a friend.

Someone to walk in silence with if you need.

To listen and to never judge.

Here no matter what.

It never matters the time

or the day.x.

In 20 seconds of  feeling relaxed, calm and at ease….

I took down a wall for you.

And I didn’t even see it until now….

Just a simple text out of all our texts last night.

Somebody call the builders

I can’t let walls fall again….

.x. 

Never forget that….

 

image

~ what you cannot see…. ~

 

 

My masks                          

a permanent smile,

Deludes you

to think its worthwhile,

So clever at this now

i just look at the floor,

So you can’t see my eyes

walk through the masks door,

Inside me the scales are 

tipping,

The balance overloaded

every things slipping,

My whirlwind is faster

losing control,

The darkness is coming

to swallow me whole,

And so I run I run

i run away,

My mind flips back

through yesterday,

When sunshine

it was streaming,

But now its all just 

screaming,

Falling falling

falling down,

Scratch’s on my skin from the bracken

i hit the ground,

I run I run

i’m pushed on to run away,

Your not gonna catch me

no not today,

Deathly rider on your

ghostly steed,

Why chase and torment me

what do you need,

So frightened of you

a fear so great,

No courage to face you

faiths to late,

I wake up screaming

in my bed,

Drenched in sweat

from foot to head,

My other half shaking me

to stop wishing I was dead,

And so it settles

the icy fear the dread,

Please forgive

for all the things I’ve done wrong,

You’ve been playing this game

for so very long,

You torment my mind

you crush my soul,

Deathly rider

why not consume me whole,

You chip away

till I’m near empty inside,

Isn’t there a code

by which you have to abide,

Deathly rider ghostly steed

will I ever be free,

From your nightmare?

your endless chasing?

you truly terrify me….

 

.x.

 

 

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