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(This post is going to be a little different than normal. Well maybe it might be. We shall see).

You can take that in more ways than one…

How do you feel? With my fingers usually. But sometimes its far better to feel with the tongue… ICE CREAM!!! You don’t feel ice cream with your fingers do you?! (Perverts).

But for this post I’m on about a different meaning. How do you feel? Honestly? I dont know.

Its still feeling like I’m on autopilot and emotions aren’t hitting hard enough to burst through and make me real again. Last night I sat and cried as I felt so sad. So I know that the feelings are there. They just won’t stay. I need them to stay so that I’m real. Because if I don’t feel like I’m real? Then what am I?

There’s so many thoughts going through my mind and if they’d just slow down from 100mph to maybe 80mph? I maybe just might be able to make sense of just one…

Yeah my brains the traffic and I’m the damn squirrel… why don’t these cars ever run out of fuel? Oh! They are pixie powered?! Fudging pixies… 🤬😡😠

Hows your week been? Yes, I am asking you. And yes… im asking you to. I see you sat in that chair quietly thinking “Who me?” Yes… YOU. Dont try and hide behind your cup. I can still see you. Shy huh? Don’t spill your drink! Ok ok… I’ll let you drink in peace. Wait a sec… is it a nice drink? Whats in your cup? I’m curious now…

Sigh… the week has gone ok in our house. I’ve busted the 11yr old 7 times for YouTube when she was supposed to be on Google classrooms(i swear as soon as my back is turned!!). But I listened to her French lesson. Really good! Oooooo… we had snow ❄ I love snow ❄ like I really really really love that white cold stuff! Me and the 11yr old had a snowball fight(we needed it). It made her late for her French lesson, so she’s about 11 minutes late and I say to her… just be honest. Say sorry and tell him why you are late and that im here if needs be. This French teacher is fab(knows all of my Kiddos), he says “ok ….. catch up please.” So she did. At the end of the lesson he let’s them go 5 minutes early and says go do something that makes you smile. Like have snowball fight! The best bit about that is that the pupils in that lesson had about 20-25 minutes before the next lesson and yes, we went back outside. But listening? We could hear some other kiddos out playing in the snow to. Its good to get outside.

The 15 year old has been doing really well plowing through her work. I mean I cant fault this girl. She’s really putting in the effort. Yep she’s still worrying about the GCSE’s. Every bit of work is proof she deserves her grade. I’m proud of her. She even asks me to reread and discuss word changes just like the 11 year old does. The 15 year old has finalised her college application and after our talk in getting it complete she’s not only sent it off but had her first email from them so she’s happy. She wants to work with children. This girl has the mum gene(If you know? You know). I always laugh and say that if I died? They wouldn’t go to my eldest girl. They’d go to the 15 year old. She’s got this amazing way with kiddos and has all the qualities you’d want from someone to look after them/work with them.

The 17 year old who is 6th form is also doing well. But he’s yet to decide what he wants to do next… he has a love of history and science and food. Erm… but not the science behind the history of food (well he might be into that!), each subject separately. Waiting to see how he feels and what his thoughts are as to what he does next. Interesting food lessons on Google classrooms this week and I’ve been made to laugh.

What I really noticed, especially with lockdown this time is just how much effort these teachers put in. I mean yes, I know they put in a sheer amount of effort into every single class. I know that teaching comes with so much hidden stuff that happens before they even get to the teaching part. I know teachers. I know just how hard it is and that no one goes into teaching for the money. But listening to these teachers keeping our kiddos engaged in working through lessons online and commenting something individual to each of our children making them know that they are being listened to. You rock teachers 👏👏

Currently I’m sat in my favourite place… yep you guessed correctly… kitchen floor. I’ve got the music playing(of course). Current song is Nickelback “Gotta be somebody.” A random list is playing out of 500 songs so I get a surprise every time.

I don’t know if writing all of this has done me any good? Or even why exactly I’ve written it all. I guess you can see that I’m normal I guess… wait… I’m normal?! EWWWWWW!! I dont want to be normal 😱

So I’ve just come back inside from telling my fluff ball to get in the house and hes just sulked past me and walked upstairs. I swear this cat is a sulky teenager sometimes and grumpy old man other times. He’ll be 5 years old this year but officially he’s not 2 years old for another 3 years. (I can see you sitting there trying to work that out you know🤭). Fluffy suits our family and I even admit that he is very much like his owner… completely anti social to everyone and every thing outside his family…

⬆️⬆️ every time I read that? I agree with Dracula. He kinda had it right. However my castle would have glitter inside and black because I like black but also pinks and blues and purples, oranges, lellows… and rainbows and unicorns and dinosaurs and kittens and stuffies!! Yeah… I’m kinda girly and I freak out at spiders… erm… just like that⬇️⬇️

ONLY DON’T KILL IT!!!! PUT HIM OUTSIDE. ITS COLD? PUT HIM IN THE SHED. EEKKKKKKKKK!!!! GET HIM AWAY FROM MEEEEE!!!! *As I scream like a girl and run and lock myself in the bathroom because the maybe the shower curtain and door will save me. Yeah… I know… and I’m supposed to be the adult…*

I know I haven’t really picked a subject to talk about this time for my post. I guess I’m just being real(like always), and just wanted to see where this post would take me. Because sometimes things come out when I write that I dont see until after I’ve published. In just letting my fingers play across the screen tapping away? I’m showing that despite the fact I’m clearly broken, I’m also human and I’m also trying and most importantly I’m real. In my day to day? I hide behind everything. I dont let people see when I’m falling apart. No one would guess that this afternoon I was in floods of tears(yeah bathroom floor). The world around me sees a smile. People that know me, know me as someone who is always ok. Someone who always has her shit together. But everyone on here? You all know that I cry nearly every day. You know that there are times I dont want to breathe any more. You see me. You see the real me. Eccedentesiast. That’s me. I’ve said it for years. I’ve perfected my mask for the world to see… that smile. Ive brought new tea. Remember my post about being caffeine free and my now love of Chamomile tea? Well I brought

And yeah… I drank it last night and got about 4 hours sleep!! (4 hours is an amazing amount of sleep!). So will be drinking more. I need honey in this though…

Anyway… I’ve written loads. Chamomile tea is calling me. Too early for that sleepwell stuff.

Hugs to you all at the other end of the wire…x.

Edit… I have a song to go with this post…

Perfect!

“Ooooooh, I can’t quiet reach them.” Says the 13 year old standing on his tiptoes.

“You don’t need those, there are biscuits in the cupboard.” Says his mum.

The 13 year old sighs and suddenly looks so much younger instead of so much older than his 13 years. He looks through the biscuits in the cupboard. “But there are no jammie dodgers in here.” He says, taking 2 large cookies and stuffing nearly a whole one in his mouth pouting.

“How old are you?”  Asks his mom?

“2.” He says walking out the door with an impish grin on his face….

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Well “Hi!” and happy Sunday to you! How are you all? Fantastic I hope!! 🙂

It’s sunday again so it’s time for me to aimlessly write a post about…. well…. anything and everything!!

I spent friday night having very little sleep up reading a book and then reading another which I’m about half way through, so very tired, which, was made very obvious today at the market. My 3 yr old munchkin and I got back to the car first and as I had bought her an ice-cream, I sat her on the car bonnet so she could sit and eat. Feeling the gloriously warm sunshine ( we’ve had so much rain lately), My body wanted nothing more than the pleasure of sleep, while my mind,  tried it’s very hardest to concentrate on the munchkin sat next to me chattering away while eating ice-cream and, make my mouth work words in answers to her questions. Poor brain I do believe I have started to take it for granted, and I’m sure I can see my subconscious standing there with her hands on her hips like some washer woman waggling her finger at me saying “Don’t you think it’s time you started taking care of yourself? Oh yes, I forgot. Don’t know how to think do you!!” Evil subconscious!!  😉

The rest of today passes in a mindless blur of cleaning, washing, clothes folding, talking, playing with my children and cooking. which leads me to the incident with the balloon….

My eldest daughter went to her yr 6 school leavers disco on friday and bought a helium balloon home. On saturday she wrote MUM on it and declared it mine as she was sick of the munchkin trying to claim it. Now I understand where the munchkin is coming from…. A helium balloon is a magical mysterious thing, how does it go “up” all by its self? it seems to have a will of its own, why does it fly? The munchkin is mystified by this and, thinks that the best thing is to play with the magical friend balloon.

Today we give in and munchkin has spent the afternoon playing with balloon. Every time she lets go, balloon flies to the ceiling and then she stands on her play table and gets balloon down again. All of this is ok until the ribbon holding balloon comes free. Balloon now sits on the ceiling out of her and my reach. I stand on the edge of the settee and ask 13 yr old to just old my hand so I can stretch out enough to reach it. 13 yr old first says no then when I am distracted by over reaching his tickles me laughing his head off! As I fall off the settee he jumps on to it and not being tall enough, jumps to grab balloon, missing and sending balloon across the room towards the computer. Not to be outdone he climbs on to the computer chair, a leather swivel chair, can you guess what’s gonna happen?

Yup he jumps….

13 yr old does the biggest jump he can to get balloon and the computer chair leg snaps, 13 yr old goes flying on to me and knocks me over, we both jump up and all I can do is pee myself with laughter at the broken chair leg. His dad is gonna go absolutely mad and will throw an almighty paddy when he finds out. But 13 yr old has an idea! He gets his dads extra strong industrial tape and winds it around the broken leg. when all done it is sit-on-able again. He looks at me as if to say job done!! and says “don’t worry mum, dad won’t notice!”

So the question now is when will he notice? When he does, both 13 yr old and I will deny knowing anything about it as we secretly smile!  🙂

Well I hope the rest of your sunday is fantastic and, I wish you all luck and hugs for the coming week. Off to my sisters for the day tomorrow, she lives 75 miles away, I can’t wait, miss her loads!!!!!!!

Wow I do believe this is the most I have ever wrote on here!

Happy hugs all.x.

~ Friendship moves on…. ~

 

 

And so it started                                        

with a snowball fight,                                          

When I threw snow at you                              

way past midnight,                                      

You’d got home from work                                              

not long before,                                    

Been in less than 5 minutes                                                  

then back out the door,                                                    

“It’s snowing.” you said                                                            

as you looked at me,                                                    

I moved to the back door                                                                        

so I could see,                                                    

I looked up at the sky                                                                    

couldn’t believe my eyes,                                            

Never seen flakes so big                                                

fall from the skies,                                                

I made a big snowball                                  

threw it at you,                                                              

You gasped at the cold                                                        

but smiled to,                                                    

You closed the door                                                                    

chased me in the snow,                                                  

Made a big ball                                  

ready to throw,                                                            

I ran at you                                                    

try’ed to pull you down,                                        

You lost your balance fell on me                                  

on the snow on the ground….

 

.x.

 

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