Tag Archive: Depression


~….Will You….~

Will you love me tomorrow

even though I’ve come undone,

Will you love me tonight

past the setting of the sun,

Will you stand here beside me

when the rain lashes down,

Will you be the rock in the ocean

to help me when I drown,

Will you be the reminder

when I forget how to breathe,

Will you be the light

When darkness pulls me underneath,

Will you pull me closer

when I feel so alone,

Will you be here

remind me I’m not on my own….

.x.


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Let me fall….

Current song….

  So much on my mind I’ve hardly slept. 

I swear I’m clawing

at the walls of my own mind, 

And I’m crying and I’m failing

everywhere is you I find,

I’m shouting and I’m screaming

the wind whips the words away,

But I guess it doesn’t matter

you don’t hear what I say,

My heart and soul keep crying for you

so I play the music so loud,

But it just can’t go up high enough

to block their deafening sound,

 

There are times…. not many but yes times, where there are so many words, far to many words, and I fall into the abyss of them. I love words, I adore words. I love how you break them down and put them back together. How they can bring joy or heartache. How they can build you up or strip you bare. But there are so many words swirling in a never ending vortex and I just want to give up and not write. Let them just envelope me instead.

Current song….

“Don’t know what you’ve got.” By “Cinderella.” 

I give up today.

My every breath is stained  with your name….

(Just to make life worse? The song that has just started playing? “Til my last day.” Right now? I give up….)

Wednesday….

My mind is torn between what I want and doing what’s right. Such a war….

Things I know? I am not a good person and I never will be….

Eccedentesiast

Eccedentesiast….
I give up, just let me sleep. 

Let me wither away, break, and grind to dust….
Took this from a page I admin on, on fb. The page is called “The Forgotten Realms” it’s one of 2 pages I admin on, the other is called “Shadow Holiday” 

One for dark art and one for quotes. 

Cat….

 Honestly? Just like the song says? I’d give up forever to touch you…. your all I want. All I’ve wanted. There is a part of me dieing and as fast as I throw logs on to it to keep its fire burning?  It drowns my fire in tears. My soul cries for you. The insides of me crumble and fall away and leave this broken shell. Tell me what do I do? I love you so damn much and it’s ripping me to shreds. I keep wondering and wandering. I’m losing my shit and falling. The waves of my tears crashing over everything. I want to be mad at you. I want you to burn like I burn and fall like I fall. I want you to know like I know. But what’s it matter? I don’t matter. Let me go up in flames and be nothing left but dust that is forgotten and blown away. My soul that ever moving storm it’s a fucking hurricane for you. Always for you. Only for you. The whole ceases to matter. Just you. Tell me how I tear you out from inside these bones? How do I release you from these veins? Mentally and emotionally? I am tearing myself apart with such ferocity that I’m destroying everything. Do I have to do this physically? Will it release me from you? Will you leave my veins? You’ve taken my smile, my joy, my happiness, I want them back. I want you back. My soul screams in the darkest depths of a hell it doesn’t understand…. it screams for you in the endless bitter blackness. It wanders alone and afraid because you are gone. 

  I want to grate the very skin from these bones. Strip the sinew and muscle away. Pull these veins apart. Pick the empty organs from these fleshless bones and toss them away one by one in furthest most hidden corners. Let this skeleton bleach white in the burning sun then fade in the darkest corner of this land. Bury it a million miles deep so that every part of my being may painfully whither away alone from the rest…. How to describe how I feel? Pretty darn close….

 I love you to such depth…. that all that’s left now? Is to die….

​She tried. She really tried. But right now? Everything’s falling apart. Her walls are falling into the sea of her tears and she can’t hold it together any longer. Time to turn her phone off before she smashed it and pull herself together. She’s is better than this. She is worthy. She is above this shit. So why doesn’t she feel it?

Going down….

You know you just can’t hide from them
the thoughts that go round in your head,
Your sleeping is wrecked despising the night
you dread the sight of your bed,
Insecurities they’re
flying high,
never good enough so
why even try….

Just another day….

Come on now
you gotta keep it real,
Can’t let them know
just how you feel,
The nightmares that haunt you
those screams in the night,
Gasping for breath
outta your mind by first light,
Write with fingers
dipped in blood from your skin,
Books pages all you find
but don’t write out your sin,
Death he stands in the corner
watching you with the knife,
Just a little deeper his voice song full sweet
come to me end your life,
You drop the knife
upon the floor,
Crawl on knees
out kitchen door,
Wonder if you
can take much more,
You need some peace
but your minds at war,
Collapse in a corner
wish you could fade away,
Head on your knees the alarm goes off
plaster a smile face a new day….

.x.

To stay untitled….

Show me what type of person you are
tell me your hopes and your dreams,
Tell me what makes you happy and glad
and what keeps you coming apart at the seams,
Tell me the dreams that do haunt you
when your laying awake in your bed,
Tell me all of doubt that you so believe
as it circles around in your head,
Show me your spectrum of grey
how the colours all smudge into one,
Show me that great big fake smile
as inside you are coming undone,
Tell me the story in your veins
tell me what sets alight to your skin,
Tell me what makes you burn brighter
what makes the fire rage from within,
Walk me through the passages
of your mind,
So I see all the troubles
you find,
Every time you think you can’t take any more
and you think that your all alone,
I want you to know that your cared for so much
and you don’t have to go it on your own….

.x.

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