Tag Archive: blogging


Balaur…

Plated armour

shiny scales,

Smooth to touch

hard as nails,

Knowing eyes that see

so far away,

Push off from the dirt

be on your way,

Wings that glide

on gentle breeze,

Talons brush

against the tops of the trees,

A snort of heat

as thoughts get to great,

Over thinking with worry no simplicity

you state,

Soaring upwards

pushing up high,

An ebony shadow

against starry sky,

Blink and you’ll miss it

what did you see,

Was that a…

no it can’t be,

Fly over woodlands

fly over fields,

The heart wants what it wants

the heart fights the mind yields,

Sharp talons land

in softest earth,

So graceful and majestic

belies your girth,

Look through the window

spie your prey,

A mortal mere human

she’s dreaming away,

She stumbled on something

you need to retrieve,

The implications of wich

she cannot conceive,

There in the corner

near the firelights glow,

It’s still in her knapsack

such precious cargo,

Swifly quietly

the knapsack retrieved,

Its safe and unharmed

the girl earns a reprieve,

You stretch out your wings

ready to go,

And there she stands

in moonlight soft glow,

She bows

lowly,

Standing upright

slowly,

You dip your head

then push into the sky,

Your wings beat a gale

carrying you up high,

Soaring into the night

with the life you created,

You thought it was lost

with the death of your fated,

But here in your talons

your bloodline lives on,

And you carry it safely

as you fly towards the dawn,

By the time the day starts

from these lands you’ll be gone,

A mythical story to most

but they couldn’t be more wrong…x.

Hope is a “cap de pula”

“Hi! How are you?”

Those words… those words mean I have to bend the truth. I have to find a way to tell you what you what to hear. That I’m ok. That I’m doing good. Because you don’t really want to hear that I’m not. Again. So I show you that I’m good and I spend the day with a stupid smile and a happy positive vibe for you to see. And then later? I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from the pretence. The 1 woman show that I’ve put on for everyone to see. From where I’ve worked so hard to have everyone thinking that I’m ok and that I’ve not failed again. And then despite feeling exhausted? I’m awake at night clawing at my mind like I claw at my skin. And the anxiety builds and the self doubt builds and the darkness wins a little more and I smile for everyone to see and I’m ok. And I fail. All I do is fail.

It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m supposed to have been able to kick it into touch by now. I’m supposed to have snapped out of it and stopped moping and whatever other words I’ve heard people say… the past is in the past, I’m not a child anymore… grow up and get on with it. I’ve heard it all. But some scars run deep. They fracture you and physically break something deep inside. Some broken children heal and others don’t. The ones that don’t turn into broken adults. And it’s not their fault they’re broken. It’s not my fault I’m broken. But to me? To me it’s my fault. I don’t want to be a failure. I don’t want to disappoint. So I’m ok. But I’m not… I’m tired of the games that my mind plays. I want out of it. I want to be rid of the thoughts, the memories, the flashbacks, but most of all? I want to be rid of the nightmares. The things I see when I sleep. Or the terror I feel on the odd occasion I go to the shop and hear someone with that tone of voice. I want to stop being afraid of everything and everyone. Sounds stupid? Yep I know. But it’s the truth. Looking back, I never used to be like this. This bad I mean. It started getting worse about 7 years ago. I don’t know what the catalyst was. But now I question every thing I do, think, and say. I judge myself so harshly that I don’t leave any of myself left for anyone else to judge. It’s said that we are our own worst critic. I rip myself apart before anyone else gets chance to realise just what a failure I am. Because if others found out that I was less? Then they would stay away. People hurt you. No one gets in therefore they can’t hurt me. Only I can hurt me.

Honestly? I’m tired of the whirlwind that is me. That is my mind. My thoughts. My feelings. My emotions… I’m tired of me. I’m tired of fake smiling. I want so desperately to give up and yet, there’s this tiny stupidly annoying little thing inside of me… this tiny little spark… its called hope. And as much as I loathe myself? Hope keeps shining. Hope refuses to give up. Hope keeps me going…

…sigh…

Depression/darkness/anxiety/whatever you wish to call it… they are strong and powerful things. But hope? That tiny little sparkling glimmer of hope? It’s the most powerful thing there is.

So… I’m going through bad days(again), My poems on here have stopped(again). But? I’ll be posting soon because? Hope doesn’t let me quit life.

412

410

You….

You took a blade
And carved my skin,
You used your talent
The perfect sin,
You made me fall
So deep in love,
That I would rate you
From above,
You played your game
I’m just a toy,
Here for boredom
For you to enjoy,
Someone online
Just a game,
Here until
Your enjoyment wane,
There was just one thing
You did so wrong,
You opened my heart
You gave it a song….

So now my heart
Is on the floor,
And you don’t give
A fuck anymore,
If I bleed or
If I’ve cried,
Because your toy is gone
Game died,
Tell me are you so empty inside
That you just don’t care,
And all those sweet nothings that you’ve said
Did all my words you share,
Was anything real
At all,
Or was it just a laugh
To let me fall,
Was I a pastime
For when you’re bored,
When you are all
I have adored,
So break my heart
I do love you,
I always will
Those words so true….

407

D.V.

Trigger warning ⚠️

Domestic violence.

The simplest touch
the softest word,
All those sweet nothings
the love that I heard,
Time it moved on
and I fell in love,
Thought you were the best
a gift from above,
As time it moved on I
lost friend after friend,
Til you were my start
and you were my end,
Then came the accusing
of every guy I saw,
And I never even realised
controlling more and more,
The first time you hit me
i felt such a disgrace,
So much mess and so much glass
blood all over the place,
You told me I was nothing
as you slammed closed that door,
And I laid dazed and hurt
amid the mess on the floor,
Time it moved on
those hands nearly every day,
And then after how much you loved me
in each and every way,
More time and we had children
they’re my lights I don’t regret,
Then that day with the axe
imprinted I can’t forget,
More years and that table
the spade car poker knife,
That night with the car between us
blood pouring begging for my life,
That was when I realised
that I had to leave,
You weren’t letting up
there was no reprieve,
Now for 2 years
we’re not together,
Although you still want
a me and you forever,
You say if you can’t have me
then no one else can,
And you repeat this often
but get it your not my man,
I am not weak
and you will not win….

This poem is inspired by someone else’s true life story. No… I am NOT tarring every man with the same brush and women are just as much likely to be the abuser, but because of the stigma attached to domestic violence against males? Its less likely to get reported. Abuse is abuse. I don’t care who you are. Don’t degrade another, everyone deserves love, safety, happiness and the simple necessities that give a good quality of life. Okay… even I have a couple of exceptions to that and I’m honest enough to admit them… If you’re a rapist or if you in any form hurt a child/children? You get what you get and hell would be too good of a blessing for you.

Soooo… don’t read this and bitch about the subject matter. I will write about every and any subject. Infact I think I might do a couple of writing posts to show that despite the fact I’m half the picnic short of a picnic and definitely have more than a few screws loose, I can write.

Holding it high

and breathing in,

Summer days

on sun tanned skin,

A hit of mint

freshest summer breeze,

A swirl of a memory

sung through the trees,

Strawberry Sweetness

glides across the tongue,

that burst of brightness

rolled up in sun,

Making light pink herbal tea

stewing in a cup,

A little summer garden in my infuser

drink up…

.x.

Wild grass…

Wild grass

in the breeze

wild grass

grown past knees,

White fluffy coluds

in a sky clearest blue,

Warm summer sun

warm you right through,

But my eyes aren’t on the sun

or the clouds or skies of blue,

They’re filled with visions that I can’t see

filled with thoughts of you,

As the wild grass

it does sway,

My mind it spins

those thoughts away,

Your voice your words

your promises your lies,

Velveteen lies

of us together,

Silken promises

of us together,

The heartbreak as

you walked out the door,

The brokenness

of us no more…

Ghosted…

And I kissed every step

your bare feet stepped up on,

The rail where

your hand laid thereupon,

I followed the ghost

of your scent down the hall,

Your my highest high

biggest downfall,

My very own drug

and I in a hopeless trance,

I’d steal stars from the sky

to light your way give me a chance,

You don’t notice

you don’t care,

I’m just a ghost

not even there…

.x.

The Darkest Fairytale

I dreamed I could fall asleep.

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