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~….Musical Rush… ~

Let the music fill your soul

Make you whole

Lose control,

Feel your spirit lift

Such a gift

Heal the rift,

Escape from thoughts that tear you apart

Where they start

Mind and heart,

The rush through your veins

Cascading rains

Relinquish chains,

Feel the beat

Burst of heat

Such a feat,

Pulsating light

Such a height

Give up the fight,

Inner glow

Such a show

Music ends time to go…

Written to the song “Intense” by Armin van Buuren/Miri Ben-Ari. The violin (played more than once), always floods my entire being while the rest lights me up. It’s a feeling of being weightless of being free…

I’m a huge music lover who can find the soul enlightening passion of music in every genre. If you’ve never given trance a go? Try at least this one…

….what would this world be without music but a desolate barren place….

.x.x.

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And so my heart aches. It roars. It screams. And yet I remain silent while this hurricane rages inside me. The only sign you’ll see a slight tremble in my hand, slight crack in my voice. I will stand silent as you yo-yo hot and cold. As you Dominate and decimate and shut down. I’ll close off and switch to auto so you’ll not see me break. As you yo-yo hot and cold hiding your fire, I’ll hide my storm til the only give away will be the rain spattered glass of my eyes, and I look at the floor….

And it’s you only you

always you,

Cascading my heart and head

so true,

Your words

your smile,

Wrap them around

let them hold me a while,

Oh how your tender

word I miss,

Those sweetest nothings

that soulful bliss,

The silences haunt me

as they appear throughout the day,

And I just want to beg

just please don’t go away,

And then there you always are

that sweet sexy smile,

And I drown deeper into you

mile upon mile,

Our lives they are so busy

but find I need you more and more,

The love we share our precious moments

love you deeper than before…

I wanted to tell you

What you mean to me,

How I so desire those things

Which right now can’t be,

And how you would know

(If I was there),

That I need every part of you

Lay your soul to me bare,

My fingers should be softly

Caressing your lips,

As they make a sensual dance

Down your skin to your hips,

My lips and my tongue

Following down in a line,

My feverish desire

to make you mine,

To lick my lips at the taste

Of your decadent skin,

I wanna feel you burn

Your passion from within,

My sweetness know

That my fire burns so true,

I’ve fallen so deeply

In love with you….

You your 5 parts heaven and 5 parts danger

got me walking on the edge,

Simple mere words

and I’m tipping off the ledge,

And I swear you just don’t care

that’s just not your way,

You give that cheeky smile

say you’re here to stay,

No wonder

My minds a storm,

Emotions getting

torn,

There are times

My thoughts get the better of me,

Times I think I should

Set you free,

But then we’d lose

Both me and you,

This love is worth it

The hard times to,

In loving you I’ve

Come to see,

There’s a well

Inside of me,

One that loves you

Endlessly,

My missing piece

Searched my whole life through,

I always felt empty

Until I found you…

Fallen…

Alone she sits

with wings of snow white,

Weeping soft tears

as day turns to night,

Tragic little angel

fallen from grace,

For you loved to much

to leave this place,

Unbalanced.

unbalanced
ʌnˈbalənst/
adjective
adjective: unbalanced

  1. 1.
    (of a person) emotionally or mentally disturbed.
    “she considered him to be mentally unbalanced and dangerous”

    2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
  2. 2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
    2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
unbalance
ʌnˈbal(ə)ns/
verb
past tense: unbalanced; past participle: unbalanced
  1. 1.
    make (someone or something) unsteady so that they tip or fall.
    “the door almost unbalanced him by swinging open”

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

  2. 2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

Love and doubt and love

My heart is in pieces

all tattered and torn,

Scars I have many

these walls they adorn,

I see you

like a shining light,

A beacon of hope

in my dark of night,

Dreams they engulf me

bring me shattering down,

Doubt like a tidal wave

making me drown,

But love pure love

so solid and true,

Brings me again

to rise before you….

.x.

~….The gift….~

Imagine your hopes and desires

take them and times them by ten,

Take all your dreams for the future

to the past and then present again,

Add sweet dash of magic

stir it with truest loves kiss,

A pinch of the softest caress

the moment of eternal bliss,

Pour it in a heart of glass

the fragility and hope of new,

And if you can imagine it all

then you’ll know how I feel about you….

.x.

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