Category: Thoughts


Unbalanced.

unbalanced
ʌnˈbalənst/
adjective
adjective: unbalanced

  1. 1.
    (of a person) emotionally or mentally disturbed.
    “she considered him to be mentally unbalanced and dangerous”

    2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
  2. 2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
    2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
unbalance
ʌnˈbal(ə)ns/
verb
past tense: unbalanced; past participle: unbalanced
  1. 1.
    make (someone or something) unsteady so that they tip or fall.
    “the door almost unbalanced him by swinging open”

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

  2. 2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

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~….The gift….~

Imagine your hopes and desires

take them and times them by ten,

Take all your dreams for the future

to the past and then present again,

Add sweet dash of magic

stir it with truest loves kiss,

A pinch of the softest caress

the moment of eternal bliss,

Pour it in a heart of glass

the fragility and hope of new,

And if you can imagine it all

then you’ll know how I feel about you….

.x.

~…. Storyteller ….~

The lies they slither

off your tongue,

And one by one I fall for them

completely come undone,

You weave your web fabricated

untrue,

And I fall I fall

such a fool for you….

Thoughts….

Your my pleasure

Your my pain,

Spin me in circles

Your such a drain,

The more I lose

The more I gain,

Tell me what

Your gonna do,

I’m so wound up

So into you,

~….Voice….~

That smile oh that smile I

hear it in your voice,

Kaleidoscopic colors from your mouth

made by choice,

And I fall a little deeper

a little deeper than before,

Drugged a little deeper 

needing a little more….

Tonight I watched 

as the soft sheets of rain fell,

My thoughts they swirled a vortex

but on many did I dwell,

I watched as the plume of smoke left my lips

and carried off by the wind,

I looked to the sky

the only judge that I’ve sinned,

My thoughts they spun

to which I’d rather be,

The softest of rain

or the wind wild and free,

My thoughts turned to the elements

to nature and more,

Each one impressive

not like the one before,

My innermost being Earth

this I know,

The scars of the past and yet still

she does grow,

To be kissed by the warmth

of the sun in the sky,

Caressed by the rain

with the softest of sigh,

Hear the song of the wind

like the call of a child,

And still she grows 

strength untamed free spirited and wild….

.x.

~….Will You….~

Will you love me tomorrow

even though I’ve come undone,

Will you love me tonight

past the setting of the sun,

Will you stand here beside me

when the rain lashes down,

Will you be the rock in the ocean

to help me when I drown,

Will you be the reminder

when I forget how to breathe,

Will you be the light

When darkness pulls me underneath,

Will you pull me closer

when I feel so alone,

Will you be here

remind me I’m not on my own….

.x.


~….24 hours….~

Its 10pm and I’m so tired I

 need sleep,

My mind moves faster

my thoughts you keep,

Its 11pm 

and I’m missing you,

My Sweet my heart

you have so true,

Its 12am and at the ceiling I

stare,

I so want to message you

just to know your there,

Its 1am 

and my mind whirls on,

I know I’d never cope

if you were gone,

Its 2am 

and anxiety kicks in,

Tell me my Sweet

in which way do you sin,

Its 3am 

your better than me,

This silence is hurting

it won’t let me be,

Its 4am

wish you were here,

Damn all I want 

is just to have you near,

Its 5am getting light

outside,

From all these thoughts?

there’s nowhere to hide,

Its 6 am your going

to bad,

Try not to cry

to much I’ve said,

Its 7am 

my day must start,

You reside 

so deep in my heart,

Its 8am 

here its all go,

My Sweetness these thoughts

my heart it does know,

Its 9am

I sit on the floor,

My Sweetness these thoughts 

my emotions are raw,

Its 10am

tell me how I cope,

I’ll tell you my love

its because I have hope,

Its 11am I’m tired 

and alone, 

So wish I

could call you my own,

Its 11am

is there another lady?

I’m getting emotional

there isn’t a maybe,

Its 12pm do you dream

of me,

Do you think of the future

and what it can be,

Its 1pm 

a message from you,

My heart skips a beat

I fall in love anew,

2pm I saw

you online,

I do that to

from time to time,

Its now 3pm,

sleeps calling me,

I day dream of you

of what could be,

Its 4pm 

you send me a moon,

Fate is an ass 

I’m enveloped in gloom,

5pm and we’ve talked

I feel sad,

Your busy I’m lost

I must be so bad,

6pm our conversations no depth

I know that your busy but don’t talk to me,

Its only “I love yous”

guess I’ll leave you be,

Its 7pm 

feels like I’m falling apart,

I must of been shot

there’s a hole iny heart, 

Its 8pm 

How’re you? how’s your day,

I’m ok, its going

is all that you day,

Its 9pm 

so in love with you,

So many damn thoughts 

wonder how many are true,

Its 10pm 

I’ve been up twenty four,

My Sweetness I’m tired

but can’t sleep once more….

Saturday 25th March 

It falls on me

to start a new, 

Find a way 

to get over you,

Voices of memories I

still hear,

Close my eyes I

feel you near,

Time goes so slowly

only seems like yesterday,

I knew you weren’t  forever

just passing on your way,

Touched so very deeply

yet still I said goodbye,

You pull at something within me

yet I walked as those answers made me cry….

 .x.

You inside….

​I wish I could enter 

your mind,
Oh so many secrets

would it scare me what I’d find,
I’d walk those corridors

sparking light as I go,
Its not your secrets they’re safe

just your thoughts I want to know,
I’d spark spirals of light with fingers

running off into the dim,
Scale your high walls

find the you from within,
Inside I know your filled with forests

lush green with thoughts anew,
I catch glimpses sometimes

it makes me fall even deeper for you,
 I want to face your nightmares

each and every one I’d slay,
So you could rest easy each and every night

and wake with a smile each day,
As time goes on and I’ve learnt so much

i know all I desire is more,
Those breathtaking glimpses when you let your guard down

i want you even more than before,
I see it in your pictures sometimes

when your mind is definitely not here,
Those times I wish I could pull you closer

and ask to let me near,
The perfect equation good bad dark light 

so true,
Please don’t hide from this girl

who is so in love with you….
.x.

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