Archive for June, 2021


D.V.

Trigger warning ⚠️

Domestic violence.

The simplest touch
the softest word,
All those sweet nothings
the love that I heard,
Time it moved on
and I fell in love,
Thought you were the best
a gift from above,
As time it moved on I
lost friend after friend,
Til you were my start
and you were my end,
Then came the accusing
of every guy I saw,
And I never even realised
controlling more and more,
The first time you hit me
i felt such a disgrace,
So much mess and so much glass
blood all over the place,
You told me I was nothing
as you slammed closed that door,
And I laid dazed and hurt
amid the mess on the floor,
Time it moved on
those hands nearly every day,
And then after how much you loved me
in each and every way,
More time and we had children
they’re my lights I don’t regret,
Then that day with the axe
imprinted I can’t forget,
More years and that table
the spade car poker knife,
That night with the car between us
blood pouring begging for my life,
That was when I realised
that I had to leave,
You weren’t letting up
there was no reprieve,
Now for 2 years
we’re not together,
Although you still want
a me and you forever,
You say if you can’t have me
then no one else can,
And you repeat this often
but get it your not my man,
I am not weak
and you will not win….

This poem is inspired by someone else’s true life story. No… I am NOT tarring every man with the same brush and women are just as much likely to be the abuser, but because of the stigma attached to domestic violence against males? Its less likely to get reported. Abuse is abuse. I don’t care who you are. Don’t degrade another, everyone deserves love, safety, happiness and the simple necessities that give a good quality of life. Okay… even I have a couple of exceptions to that and I’m honest enough to admit them… If you’re a rapist or if you in any form hurt a child/children? You get what you get and hell would be too good of a blessing for you.

Soooo… don’t read this and bitch about the subject matter. I will write about every and any subject. Infact I think I might do a couple of writing posts to show that despite the fact I’m half the picnic short of a picnic and definitely have more than a few screws loose, I can write.

Immortal you’re Immortal

here you never grow old,

Immortalised in the depths of love

here you’re never cold,

Writing you

into every line on every page,

Your the blood pour down my arms

passionate rage,

and I search every star

but none can compare,

I begged the moon to free me

but you’re imprinted there,

I’ve heard say when a poet loves you

it’s madness,

You’re my every emotion

my euphoria and sadness,

I burn for you

an out pouring declaration,

You’re my

inspiration medication liberation,

The blood pours down my arms

soul screeching raw,

Oblivious to the chaos around me

need you more and more,

You’re my muse my addiction

my delirious desire,

You set me alight

a conflagration great fire,

You set me in my place

break me free,

You define my boundaries

push this whirlwind that is me,

My embers

you flame and spark,

You fan my flames higher

explosions in the dark,

A poet will love you with madness

you’re a lifeline in chaos abyss,

You take my breath and break me down

utter heartbeat miss,

You give me blissful

memories,

Your my sun my sky

my grass flowers trees,

Every thought that plagues my mind

when I don’t sleep,

You encircle me with loving words

and with promises to keep,

My soul pours out

with sweet words of love,

I worship and adore you

heaven sent from above,

They say when poets love

its madness in their soul,

But my King my love my heart

you complete me make me whole,

Immortal you’re immortalised

on every page between the words on every line,

You are my love my soul

my hearts beat just mine,

My madness my chaos

you bring me to my knees,

My endless nirvana my destiny fate

my whirlwinds breeze,

You are the madness

deep inside my heart,

My euphoric inspiration medication liberation

your my spark,

Its you

only you always you,

My fated my destiny

my heart my song so true,

You’re the blood in my veins

the air that I breathe,

The calm inside my madness

my release when I’m begging please,

I am the poet

and I bleed for you,

Immortalised

in lovers words so true…

.x.

Writing to a song…

I wanted to tell you

that I’d searched stars to find your smile,

That I stopped at your words

and pondered for a while,

That for me the moon showered you

in truths and I fell deeper under your glow,

I felt passion roar as strong as the ocean

when you smiled and you know,

I know that you know

as you give me that cock grin,

And desire swirls inside me

overflowing from within,

And your sweet touch filling me

with electricity bursting through,

My body my mind lost

lost and found by you…

.x.

Written to the song…

Where ever you will go.

By

The Calling.

.x.

Holding it high

and breathing in,

Summer days

on sun tanned skin,

A hit of mint

freshest summer breeze,

A swirl of a memory

sung through the trees,

Strawberry Sweetness

glides across the tongue,

that burst of brightness

rolled up in sun,

Making light pink herbal tea

stewing in a cup,

A little summer garden in my infuser

drink up…

.x.

Swirl….

Close your eyes my sweet

and let me sing you a lullaby,

I know it’s hard

and I see you try,

There are so many thoughts

and they swirl round your head,

Those thoughts they torment you

your eyes bloodshot all red,

My sweet take a breath

can you feel the sun,

Even in your darkness

the light on you upon,

It will get better my sweet

take a year month a day,

Give it time my sweet

don’t give up on you ok…

.x.

The light from the mobile game flickers

outside the rain pours down,

Its freezing cold out there

but here in warmth you drown,

The TV set to mute

blankets pillows across sofa and floor,

Your idly watching something

though your mind not here anymore,

12 midnight

1 then 2am skips around,

3am 4am

not a single sound,

5am 6am

better go to bed,

7am time to get up

inside you are so dead,

But dead you are not

just comfortably numb,

Your threads are all frayed

yet not yet come undone,

Your holding it all

just barely together,

But your holding it all

and will do forever,

Though tired and broken

you may be,

One day yes one day

you’ll be free…x.

Wild grass…

Wild grass

in the breeze

wild grass

grown past knees,

White fluffy coluds

in a sky clearest blue,

Warm summer sun

warm you right through,

But my eyes aren’t on the sun

or the clouds or skies of blue,

They’re filled with visions that I can’t see

filled with thoughts of you,

As the wild grass

it does sway,

My mind it spins

those thoughts away,

Your voice your words

your promises your lies,

Velveteen lies

of us together,

Silken promises

of us together,

The heartbreak as

you walked out the door,

The brokenness

of us no more…

Oh my Sweetness

look at the crimson fall from your skin,

Such melodious screams

sing from within,

Crimson spatter art

across sheets of silk,

Gorgeous ivory skin

now white like milk,

Oh sweet sweet lullabies

you have sung,

such music to mine heart

as your skin I have strung,

Oh my Sweetness

crimson pool tears your eyes,

Such crystal clear blue

crystalline starry skies,

Sing for me sweet one

as the conductor’s knife I weald,

Illicit flesh peeled from bone

reborn you are healed,

Your cacophony of lullabies

are slowing to the fade,

Hearts symphony of flutterings

a lovers masquerade,

Crimson rivers run the floor

a memory of our time together,

Artistic clash across the pillows

my canvas your forever,

Shuttering breath

barely there,

Shuddering heart

my fingers graze with care,

Oh my precious

my deeply sweet one,

Such a joy to watch

as you come undone,

Ruby red tears spill

across porcelain cheeks,

My sweet provocative canvas

bright soul screeching red streaks,

And now as your crescendo peeks

lay your heart upon chest,

A black rose my insignia

burned upon you my crest,

You

my greatest masterpiece,

My G*ddess sweet passion

mine eyes exquisite feast,

Rivers of crimson

glorious red,

My beautiful Sweetness

exquisitely dead…

.x.

Ghosted…

And I kissed every step

your bare feet stepped up on,

The rail where

your hand laid thereupon,

I followed the ghost

of your scent down the hall,

Your my highest high

biggest downfall,

My very own drug

and I in a hopeless trance,

I’d steal stars from the sky

to light your way give me a chance,

You don’t notice

you don’t care,

I’m just a ghost

not even there…

.x.

Mental health… everyone seems to be talking about it just lately. It’s on the news, in adverts, all over the Web. You’ll find something about it in every place you can think of. We’re encouraged to talk about. It’s on the rise in all age groups. All ethnicities and it doesn’t care where or how you live. We’re encouraged to talk about it.

I don’t want to talk about it. Or more specifically, I don’t want to admit just how bad things have got. Last tear I could still wing it. Last year yeah, it was bad. It’s an endless yoyo a constant battle but I could function.

This year has been worse… this year I got talked out of commiting suicide, I had everything ready, no going back(thanks M). Now I think about suicide at least once a week. My brain thinks about the perfect way to do it with no comebacks but so that I’m not in anyone’s way or so that I make a mess(like going by train or taking a dive off something). I’m telling you, planning a murder is easier, and I planned one!(for a story!!). Every for every step I take forward? I either take as many or more backwards. This year I’m tired of fighting the darkness. I’m 41years old and ok I definitely don’t act it(adulting is a trap!), shit… 41years old and my whole life has been spent fighting something I can’t even see.

This year its changed too… I dread going out. Just the thought makes my skin crawl. And I’m trying so hard to still do it. Do 1 thing every day that scares you. And people? I’ve never really done people. People are the scariest things on earth. But now? I’d rather do anything than have to be around or near people. People are NOT safe. I guess if your reading this? You mind jumped to covid. Nope your wrong. When I say not safe? I mean because people hurt you. I don’t want to be hurt any more. My thinking is that it’s best to just give up on people but that’s where it’s tricky because naturally I want to help others. …sigh… I’m tired of getting hurt. I’m tired of being proved right that if you let someone in? They’ll hurt you. Me? Even when I’m completely falling apart? I will never ask for help. That’s not my way. I could be crumbling and still crawl on and you won’t know.

Why am I writing? I don’t even know at this point… I just am. My rules for my blog come back to me every time I hit the WordPress app icon on my phone… always be truthful. This space is yours. Your 1 safe place. A place no one can judge you or if they do? Who cares? It’s not your neighbour(either of them), no one that follows you lives on your street. This is as the blog says, an empty space. A space for you to write your mind out. So here I am. Having spent the last few days having episodes of crying so hard I’m throwing up and walking around with the headache from hell and muscle cramps(probably from the crying,throwing up and lack of liquid intake). But right here right now I’ve got a cup of chamomile tea which is cold and I’ve still only drunk half despite going and zapping it twice. Here I am still outwardly holding my shit together and hiding how I feel from the entire house. Why? Because in this house I have no choice, I have to be the strong one.

Right now I despise myself. I know that I’m a let down hiding in plain sight. I have judged myself and know that I am less. I know that this world really would be a better place if I had never been brought into this world. But at the same Time? There’s this ridiculously stupid dumb part of me that says that these feelings are because of the darkness and why do I let it win? I don’t let it win. I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I need a fucking hug and for someone to tell and to mean it when they say they are there for me and that I mean something to them. I need to feel loved. But I need to believe its true. The only one I ever believe cares and is there for me is the darkness. Depression gives the tightest hugs and I just want a hug. Depression will always stand beside me. In a fucked up way? It never leaves and I that there? That is what I need. I need someone who won’t leave because everybody leaves because in my fears I push them all away and let nobody in. But Depression doesn’t listen. It’s always here and envelopes me in its hugs washing me in darkness.

I know I have a problem. But admitting and knowing are two very different things.

…sigh… for today I give up…

The Darkest Fairytale

I dreamed I could fall asleep.

Sir'sbutterfly blog

#submissive #beautifuldisaster #life #love #freedom #bdsm #Dom

Mind of Sir

Diary of a recovering Dom.....

Young Indian Revolution Journals Pvt. Ltd.

An organization which stands for liberation of society from the dominant shackles put up by the society itself.

Scribbles... stories, poems, songs

poems and odd thoughts, stories and odd people

Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind

"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"

Inner Monologue

For when you just need to let it all out. Blogging about mental health, writing poetry and stories. Please do get in touch if you wish. Email and Twitter down below.

Memoirs of a Muse

The little things I wonder about, experience and document

Lignes invisibiles

Invisible lines associating ideas, creating images.

An empty space....

Just another WordPress.com site

Beautiful Disaster: A manifestation of trauma

"You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing" The Tell-Tale Heart Edgar Allen Poe

Pieces Of K Blog

Everything created is another piece of me.

Notes from the U.K.

Exploring the spidery corners of a culture and the weird stuff that tourist brochures ignore.

The misterman's take

life, liberty, love, and laughter

Sulaiman Hafeez

Jack of all trades, striving for mastery in quite a few.

simple Ula

I want to be rich. Rich in love, rich in health, rich in laughter, rich in adventure and rich in knowledge. You?

PT Master Guide

Your Complete Medical Guide.

cocinaitaly

comida italiana

JackCollier7

how to be a better me.

Charliecountryboy's Blog

My reflections of life in general.

Batman Crime Solver

"Non è tanto chi sono, quanto quello che faccio, che mi qualifica" ________________________________________________ "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me." ("Batman Begins")

Babsje Heron

Great Blue Herons: A study in patience and grace

Rivers Renewed

Restoring and renewing our rivers through poetry and wordflow.

Indian first

Expressing what one feels

ambroseandelsie

Serial short stories about Ambrose Smith, vampire.

Scribbled Verse

Scribbles by Afzal Moolla

Celler-Adocse

Festes i fires de Catalunya, receptes de cuina i molt més

piecemealadventurer

Tales of the journeys of a piecemeal adventurer as a discontinuous narrative

a.mermaid'spen_

I rant and write ;)

Aphorism with Abhishek

The stuff that matters

A Pondering Mind

A little of this. A little of that.

Heart Breathings

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." William Wordsworth

All About Life

Ideas and musings from a middle-aged 20 something

Blessings by Me

Frugal Living Tips & DIY Home Decor From My House to Yours

kiwissoar

flights of fancy from New Zealand

Leigh's Wordsmithery

Where Words are Tempered, Not Tamed

lauravent69

Welcome to my crazy world. Life, music, animals and misadventures with my twisted humor leading the way!

LargeRoomNoLight

Confessions of a Creative Energy Addict

I didn't have my glasses on....

A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.

An Unexpected Muse

writing ... after parkinson's