Archive for January, 2021


~…Our Book Shop…~

Earlier today I was talking with A…. and was trying and failing(so I was thinking), at explaining something below is a little of what I wrote…

“…The only way I can describe it is… imagine a dusty book shop. Most would walk past and go to the new modern one. Some would go in and have a little look coughing and complaining of the musty smells and how old it is. But us? We’d be sat on the floor of one of the aisles lost in the wondrous depths of some well worn musty book thats seen better days and yet to us its a dreamscape to a wonderland telling fantastical tales and painting landscapes, sights and smells beyond our fantasies and depicting smells and sounds that linger with every word, every page…”

A…. is amazing and understood. I got thinking about it and thought I’d give it a try at writing our bookshop.
So A…. I hope you like our bookshop…



          

                   ~…Storytellers Travels…~

Old store
on a busy street,
So many pass by
talk with people they meet,
Windows covered
in a slight layer of dust,
Looks kinda foreboding
not a building to trust,
Old golden lettering
faded by years,
Storytellers Travels
surrounded by gears,
While most pass by not noticing
some they stop and stare,
How come this dirty shop’s
still firmly trading there,
Few enter feeling brave
might find a treasure for me,
Musty smells and coughing dust
get me out in the fresh air free,
This shop is an enigma
a place untouch by age,
An ageless mystification
forgotten by modern rage,
A hulking great monstrosity
two stories looking down,
To eat up passers-by
or spew words and make them drown,
Enticed by pull of stories
she stepped inside the beast,
On sirens song she walked
eyes alighting on such a feast,
Down dusty aisles her fingers skim
books calling her one by one,
Following the call the loudest
her fingers come undone,
Four aisles over the book it sighs 
she’s found the one to read,
Lean against the shelf
anticipation and such need,
Feet slide down book opens
look up and meet a gaze,
Another lost soul just like her
under a stories spellbinding daze,
Two heads bent seeing wondrous
tales,
Fantastical landscapes
mythical ship sails,
Dreamscapes and fables
weaving incandescent threads,
Spiritually entrancing animals
walk in celestial flowerbeds,
Ethereal woods with
wise elder trees,
Admonish and berate
naughty pixies on their knees,
Birds of enchanting colours
fly through kaleidoscopic skies,
Scents of heavenly fragrance
enhance star spangled eyes,
Grandfather time chimes
in the dusty old book shop,
He moans its time for bed
but the Story weaver tells him stop,
He points at the story travellers
in aisle number four,
Side by side they sit
enraptured by the book upon the floor…x.

I hope everyone gets lost in a book every now and again. Happy hugs to everyone at the end of the wire.x.

     Okay, okay… its a very “in your face” title. No this post isn’t about a world over run by zombie children  but? Zombie children will feature in it a bit further down.
     So? How’s your week gone? Has the house turned into a scene from the lost Boys in Peter Pan? No? Then you did good 👏  Now you might think I’m being sarcastic but a parent I know sent me a great pic on Snap this morning of the “masterpiece” her super cute twin 5 year old’s did at half 6 this morning with the caption… A nappy!! I just went to change A….’s nappy and they did this🤬🤬 
       This got me laughing and thinking of my eldest 2 who I learned many lessons from, including just painting in plain colours and always keeping an extra tin to pain over  “materpieces” oh! and if they go quiet? Panic and find them fast. They are up to something(80% of the time!).  My youngest has got away with nothing, simply because 5 tried this stuff before her and never got away with it(ok the first 2 probably did out of sheer shock they did whatever it was).
       Anyway… has the start of your week been good? I hope so! If it hasn’t? I’m sorry, I’m here if you want to privately just vent. And? I’m seriously hoping it gets better for you.x.
       This week has started ok. Yes, I know there’s still the whole week to go really… I was listening to the youngest do one of her French lessons this week and she moans… “You’re repeating what we already know and its all blah blah bl…” (goes bright pink), “Sorry Miss!! Ahhhh…. I mean I mean… ahhhhh!! Désolée!” (Looks at me looking at her amused as I hear her teacher explaing that she must learn to use the mute button when expressing her opinions like that). Yep we had words. She emailed an apology to her teacher. But we’ve… done an aerobics workout(pe), I did that one with her. Funny as hell!

Hows the month been for you? Not long until the end of it and look?! Heres you still going and breathing and coping(even on the days you feel your not). You’re acing this month!

Went for a walk late at night away from people(I dont do people) with the eldest girl. The conversation turned to Zombies and how we’d kill them but I cant kill Zombie kids and babies so I’d just round them up and put them in a big pen,this caused a bit of an argument as she said no. They’re zombies. Kill them. No. I said. They are kiddos. Can’t do it. So then she says well they’ll just eat eachother! Sparking a bigger debate… she asks if I’d save all the Zombie cats? Ahhhhhhh!! Zombie cats?!! I love furry fluffy kitties… I CAN’T KILL THOSE!!!! So apparently I’m going to help Zombie kiddos, Zombie babies and Zombie Cats rule the world as I cant kill them. Who knew?!

I know I’ve been quiet on here lately and its because I’ve almost completely shut myself off from everyone and everything that isn’t inside my house/garden. I’ve needed it. I’ve also been thinking about these little thoughts posts… I know I said I’d just title them all little thoughts but, if I i post 2 in the same day or quick succession of each other? Would it make others that read it think I’ve posted the same thing twice? I dont know… should I post them as numbers instead? Wondering if I should go back and change the 2 I posted today to numbers instead… think I will. I’ll start at 400 that can be my zero.

The Cat has just come in to me and meowed his annoyance that I haven’t moved to let him out which has made me look at the time… not too far from midnight. Maybe some Chamomile tea? I dont even miss coffee anymore really.

OK ok Mr Bear! I’m off to let this fluffy house dragon out into the night to do whatever kitties do…

Sending all of you at the other end of the wire a hug.x.



Once upon a time me saying I love you explained it all.
But then we grew…
you took root so deeply in my heart,

intertwining in all that I am,
taking hold of the most precious part of me
wrapping and cocooning it
until you became my existence,
you became my heart beat,
the blood in my veins sings your name,
the pores on my skin breathe you
and my bones?
My bones are reinforced
with every loving word shared between us…
its not just I love you…
its in me there is us
and from us there is love…
.x.

Your my heart.
But not just my heart.
Your voice affects my skin,
you make my body temperature warm up,
your words
paint landscapes in my mind.
You must be a drug in my blood,
That I’m seriously addicted to.
But your more than that.
Every day with you
gives me a high that money just can’t buy,
that nothing and no one
can replicate ever.
I swear your name
is carved into my very bones.
But its deeper than that.
You are a part of the very stardust
ground into the makings of my bones.
I am bound to you
with the threads of the very fine essence that makes me who I am.
Simply put…
you are a part of me,
you complete me,
there is no me,
without you…
.x.

Write your own title…



    Well hi!  I’ve been bit quiet lately,so much going on and I’ve not been feeling the words. The kiddos first week back at school was interesting to say the least. They are fab and make me proud with the way they’ve gone straight back at it. The youngest is realising that idont mind her listening to music,it’s the gatcha life in lesson time I draw the line at. She’s been busted twice.
    A lot happened on Friday and although this isn’t going to be a long post, I don’t think it will be anyway, its Friday and what’s happened because of it I’m going to write about…
    Friday afternoon me and the 15 year old had a play tickle fight,loads of laughing and smiling and just fun. But I hurt myself (and yes I’ve found it hilariously funny). I’ve twisted or sprained my knee, well I’ve done something to it! By Saturday it was completely swollen and I couldn’t walk on it, que strapping it up to support it as I cussed and cursed around the kitchen, crawled up the stairs and almost cried crawling back down them, as I went off on one at the washing machine for washing clothes to quickly and the dryer for drying the clothes to quickly. Sunday, Monday, we’re now on Tuesday(20:38 UK time), and I’m still seriously struggling its still swollen, it still hurts, I’m still limping, still can’t completely bend or straighten it. But? Its still funny as fudge!
    Now… the more important bit and the reason I wanted to write and this is incredibly sad. On Friday a girl in my 15 year olds form class committed suicide. Needless to say everyone is still shocked. Sadness doesn’t begin to describe it. One of the popular girls who was kind, sweet, caring and beautiful. The school has offered counselling to all students and to all teachers. The teachers have talked to the pupils as each lesson begins both yesterday and today. I wrote previously that the years 2 of my children are in are exam years, there is so much pressure. And I mean an extreme amount of pressure. Covid has made it so much harder, lessons online is so much harder and our house is lucky that there are enough devices for all 3 youngest to be online doing class work. Everyone is feeling the isolation. For 15 and 17/18(Alevel)Yr olds across the UK? The pressure is immense. A support network is ringing every family to ask how their teenager is, after talking for a few moments I asked if she wanted to talk to the 15yr old who was doing her work near me. I have sat and spoken to my 15 year old a few times about what happened. Her brothers and sisters, us as a family, we stick together and we talk. It is a parents worse nightmare and my heart goes out to her mum.
     My last thought in writing this post is this…
          There are going to be days where you feel so alone. That no one understands,that no one is there for you. You will feel like no one cares and that you’re not worthy of love. There will be days where you can’t see anything other than the bleak greyness that appears to go on forever. There might be times when to not breathe? Seems the better option. When these days happen, when your thoughts are like this? I’m asking you to remember something important…

      You are a candle 🕯
If you went out?
Somebodies path would be in darkness.
You light their path in life
Probably without ever knowing
How bright and well lit
You make their life path.
You are important.
You are not just wanted.
You are needed.
And even if at times
You don’t feel it?
You are loved.x.


So as simple as it sounds?
Please don’t ever forget…
You are a candle 🕯

…Little thoughts…

How are you? No seriously. Its not a trick question. How are you? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How are you coping with the kiddos? With work? With life? With covid? How are you?

I could comment how I’ve been having a bad day. A bad few days. How today I’ve felt to numb to even cry. I could tell you how today was first day back at school for my youngest 3. Google classrooms open all day. I salute you every single teacher who is working on Google classrooms and doing their best. You’ve got this shit! Keep going! Even when the answer was clearly Southwest but you put the 4 four choice answers as Northwest, Northeast, South and East. Its all good. She knew she was right and kept going. You’re only just starting back and the pressure on you is immense. No sarcasm. I do understand.

I could tell you how at 20:00 tonight? Our PM(England. I’m in Lincolnshire), said that exams are not happening and me spending time with my 15 year old (the one that has dyslexia), calming her and letting her know its going to be ok. She’s so worried that this means she’s failed because its not just what the amazing support network of her subject teachers know she can do… its proving it to some random invigilator that yes… I can prove R…….. can do the work because she handed in this, this and this. My daughter is scared. She’s worried how this is going to affect her for college. My 6th former? Hes asleep and I dont have the heart to wake him and make him worry all night. Let him sleep and im going to be there for him tomorrow as we talk and get through it. I’m so so so glad he’s already done Science and got an A*. I could tell you how my year 7(my 11 year old is not learning like we did when we were 11. Nor is she learning how any of her brothers or sisters learnt when they were 11. She’s not learning those socially accepted norms and values that you only seem to learn in Secondary school. But? She’s adapting. She’s trying. She’s got her friends to play and chat with online and over the phone(I knew those free minutes were a good thing!). I had her doing PE today in her PE kit. So not impressed with me but? We’ve decided to do PE together last lesson every Monday and Friday(I’ll be crawling by the end!).

So while I could tell you about all of this? I’m not going to go into any detail. I’m not going to tell you how I’m feeling or my worries about my kiddos, my worry about my kiddo who has kidney problems and how he worries. I’m not gonna say how how I worry about the kiddos dad and his health problems putting him at high risk just like my kiddo with the kidney problems.

You’re probably wondering what I’m thinking about and why I’m writing? So here’s what I’m thinking about and? Why I asked you… How are you? Things are hard. 2020 was a hard year across the world and 2021 wasn’t going to change and be better as soon as we hit January 1st. Be realistic. Things WILL get better. But they’ll take time. So people will lose their jobs and find money even harder(it happened last year,its still happening). Key workers will be over stretched and work ridiculous hours(I was talking to my daughters best friends sister who works in a shop that is twins with a country name(no secret advertising here!), she handed in her notice as she’s so over worked, long story short? Its being sorted and she’s staying). Teachers are having to consistently change things with little notice. People are going to struggle. People’s mental health is going to be affected. Some people with have no one and be completely isolated and alone. Kiddos whether in single digits or double digits will be struggling just like last year…

I know what our house is going through and those few that are close to us? I know what they’re going through. We will get there. Out there at the other end of the wire? Are people who have it 10, 20, or 100 times worse than me and mine. It could be you reading this… so I’m asking… How are you?

Sending all of you at the other end of the wire a massive virtual hug from me.x.

A way to love you…



I wish that I could slit my wrists
open up with a gush of you,
Let the outpourings spellbind weary
travellers so true,
That I could speak and regale stories
telling wondrous tales of your love,
How your lips form pronunciations
your accent like a whisper of heaven above,
One look from you
and I’m slain,
Dear sweet man you drive me
so totally insane,
Everywhere I go someone reminds me of you
it blossoms a warmth within,
If I’m totally being honest?
you’re the sweetest most sexy sin,
And you’re a man just a man
but oh dear heaven above,
I’m so totally enchantedly
intoxicatingly in love…x.

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