Do you question things? Me, I question everything, everyone, myself. I would rather push people away before the chance happens that I could get hurt. It makes life easier (at least I think it does)…. There are times I just wish I could let go, not worry about the consequences. But I guess to do that you need to be comfortable within your own skin. As much as I don’t let much faze me, I’m still awkwardly uncomfortable within myself. I can’t even look in the mirror without disliking what I see…. that constant reminder of the past that I fight so hard to block and forget, if I didn’t look so much like her would it be easier?
My nightmare came last night, it’s the first time in weeks. So many years and always the same thing….haunting me. I stood in the bathroom washing my face in the early hours reminding myself that it’s just a dream. I haven’t had a glass of JD to help me sleep in the early hours for ages now, but all I wanted was a glass and to sit on the kitchen floor. Old habits I guess….?
That’s me…. So “Hi!”
I don’t like photo’s. I’m trying to, but it’s hard. All I see is her, growing up in care from the age of 6, I didn’t even live with her for most of my life, but still she’s what I see. They say you can’t choose your family but I have….
So I guess this post is just my random thoughts spilling across the screen….
Currently listening to The Goo Goo Dolls “Sympathy” , I am definitely a huge fan of them….
But when they have lyrics like these it’s easy to like the band….
“Iris”
So now I’ve found pics for them…. the music has changed again and it’s…. Ray LaMontagne “Let It Be Me.” Totally different but equally a great song.
My aim for today is a simple one….
….No nightmares tonight….
Should be easy right?!
The song changes again…. Gabe Dixon “One thing.” Which I skipped. Skipping the next one to…. Natalie Taylor “Latch.”
Chase Rice “Every Song I Sing.”
Well my playlist is gonna play and I have things to do….
….Fingertips graze
barest skin,
Heartbeat shudders
heat builds within,
Hands
grasp,
Mouths
gasp….
Am i in the mood to write? Maybe later….
Wishing you all an amazingly chilled out but incredibly happy weekend.x.
.x.
An empty space.... 
I’m going to finish the hoovering 🙈😳✌️ Make a cuppa and turn on the computer to come back and read this 😱 love to you and yours Mrs Nem 🌝xx
Right……!
Loving that 8D
50cent Just a little bit ;D is on my playlist now……
Questions of the self where it has and who it has been are an aspect of self growth one which many choose not to question remake understand it’s current state of being and thus you have to deal with the fact that you are exceptional ;o add in to that mix your ability to speak your truth and you have you….!
If you are not comfortable with the image of self then I would ask with who’s eyes are you seeing? In that conversation with self eye to eye contact is all that is needed for it is not judgement but seeking to see and understand that image and what lays beneath and as images go ;o you need to look no further than your own eyes for strangers can see the truth that is
50cent Many Men ;D
We stand on the shoulders of those that have gone before us, but that does not mean we are destined to become what has been as such we do not know what we would have done in their place, we like to think that we would have acted differently but in understanding the decisions of our own lives gives an insight to whom are parents, brothers, sisters, cousins and friends “were” from that point we either restrict or accept upon our own interpretations others and the self ;s
So love reading and sharing your stuff Mrs Nem you have a level of understanding that can only enhance those about you 8D xx
Love and hugs to you and yours to Mr R. I love reading your comments, sometimes writing I get so lost in the words that I forget their meaning…. it always takes someone else to make me see the meaning for myself and you do that so amazingly. 🙂
I always feel that even though I run from the past…. I need it’s reminder to prove that I am a strong person and that no. I am not the same as my parents. I am better. Even when I feel I let them down, (after all being a parent is a learning curve and even we get things wrong), I know I’m a better mum than my own was. That’s what matter right? Doing our best!
Loads of hugs sent your way to you and family.x.x.
Reblogged this on DeepDarkDangerous and commented:
When I think of writing this is how it sounds in my head ;D xx
Mr R you always know what to say. Thank you.x.x.x.x.
Music’s in the box ;D
I sent you mail 8D
Playing 2Pac ft. Leona Lewis – Better In Time.mp3 xx
Hugs ya loads Mr R..x.x.x.x.