Words….

July 7, 2015

(Just a little me across the screen….)

I’ve tried just lately I’ve tried….
Everytime I get that pull, that urg…. The only way I can think to describe it, is it’s like taking a knife to my veins and letting it all bleed out…. only instead of life blood, a knife, and my veins, it’s a pen and my fingers and words. Those words…. The ones that pour like I’m overtaken and can’t stop til those words have exhausted themselves, until the flames of them are extinguished. It’s a need, like the words pouring out are feeding me the drug I need….
So hard to explain…. I guess if you write, then you’ll understand….
But just lately…. it’s all wrong…. The poems are there. The words are there. But I can’t write them any more….
They say that every male artist, has a female muse, whatever medium he uses, paints, clay, metal, music, choreography, words…. He always has a muse he can fall back on to inspire and turn the fire in his eyes from dull embers into a roaring symphony of flames…. I have two. “M” who has been inspiring me since I was 15, and “P” who has been the inspiration behind so many and whose friendship I highly value. Right now not even them inspire me.
Right now, even though the words are there, I catch their lingering echo as they find themselves unused and move on. Right now, even though I try, I can’t let the words run free from my hand. They’re there building up and up stacking higher and higher until they’re ready, but I can’t get them, that melodious harmony of words, that ability to pick the perfect prose, I don’t know where it’s gone.
Right now it’s raining and I’m sitting in a car alone with the music playing, I love rain, it’s always been that perfect sin, I’ve always loved that cold sharp sting as it hits bare skin and the smell…. The smell of fresh, of clean and new…. it’s always inspired me to write. But right now? No nope no….
I’m playing a playlist that inspires (it’s called songs to write to), on spotify. But nothing. And I have “P” on my mind (well his gorgeous dog actually), I read a message from him this morning and so he’s there…. But I still feel “out of touch” with words.
So I guess this is just me…. my thoughts being spilled across the screen…. just tapping away on my phone as I drift into thought in the car…. my thought was that maybe I just need to write? But I still feel the exact same. Was I expecting to feel different? Not really….
So I guess the question becomes are you still awake after reading all this? You are?! Cool 🙂 Well I hope you have a fantastic day wherever in the world you are, and i hope it’s filled with many small moments that make you smile.