If we always lived within our own comfortable bubble, then we would never learn…. never love…. never grow….
.x.
Archive for June, 2015
Thoughts of you
have crossed my mind all week,
And honestly I try so hard to bury you
but to you my mind does seek,
All these years
and feelings don’t won’t change,
We move further away
and our lives they rearrange,
My emotions forever your toy
something time can’t rip apart,
I try so hard to scrub it off
your name forever etched upon my heart….
.x.
I love this…. It is as if someone wrote the very words I think, when I think……
….about you….
.x.
Yup.x.
From grace so soft
you fall you fall,
You land in the background
without a sound or call,
Oblivious to the sounds
that hit the senses from all around,
Searing pain in your chest
heavy burden by which your bound,
Why? you did ask
am I blessed with this heart?
It flutters and craves passion
far to fragile from the start,
Love makes it hurt
love makes it bleed,
And yet without love it’s empty
just an incessant hunger and need,
Your wings they turned brittle
and blew away in the breeze,
You whispered a silent prayer
heard only by the trees,
Again your question echos
is the heart real?
And then you were asked
have you forgotten how to feel?
And so you’ve been cast
from sky to the ground,
For you to be reminded how to feel emotions
and the love and wonder to be found,
Look up high at the stars
you’ve so much to relearn,
Until your wings they come back
and to your home you return….
.x.
11:04 pm 13th June….
Laying here in the dark trying to write a little of my heart and soul into a poem. First the words flow, and i bleed them delicately…. perfectly… straight through the pen I hold to my phones screen. Bleeding straight from the heart my feelings untamed and raw… uncensored….
Then….
A thought of you flitters across, and it all comes crashing, this tremendous wave of emotions, that makes my heart flutter wildly as it struggles to restore order to my mind that now looks as though a tornado has just swept through it…. A simple fleeting thought and the words stop as you unintentionally, unknowingly, invade them….
And what am I to do but to ignore and move on. Nothing but to start afresh these endless words of mine, to stick this pen to phone and write a new….
1,2,3,4,5 times…. All different, until you fall somewhere in to them….
And so instead I write this…. I write you….
But maybe then you will leave my immediate invading thoughts and my heart and mind can bleed their own uninterrupted ponderings….
Time will tell….
For now I’ll just write this…. so blatantly about you…. Then maybe for now thoughts of you will fade….
Time will tell,
It always does….
.x.
It’s been a while since I wrote on here. Everything got to much and I felt like the things that were happening in life were out of my control. So an update is due….
On the 29th of May, me and my family were made homeless. We knew it was going to happen, all the trying to find a place to live had failed and honestly stressed, miserable, and angry, are the closest words to how I felt. It was stressing for my older children as they understood the uncertainty we were facing and my youngest 2 found an adventure that we were going to take, in the way younger children have that amazing ability to do. Going to the council office to “present” my family as homeless was…. well I felt ashamed that it had come to this.
The housing officer (who I’d already met) was great and after filling out forms and a lengthy discussion with her and a couple of other people, we got the keys to temporary accommodation in a place called Carlton Le Moorland. By 5 pm we’d moved in.
Carlton Le Moorland is a beautiful place, it has no shops (the nearest are just over 1.5 miles away), and is really quiet and nice. The house was really nice and if not so far from the children’s schools would be the ideal place to stay.
While we were adjusting the housing team were still busy working. Now I know a lot of my followers are not in the UK, but it’s worth knowing that councils in the UK get a lot of bad stick. But they also do so much good as this just goes to show.
On the 8th of June I met another housing officer to look round a house in Branston not far from where I originally lived. The house is really nice and we moved in and spent our first night under the roof of “our” house. Being a council property I signed a secure tenancy so (as long as I’m a good tennant), I can stay for as long as I want. It being a council property, if anything goes wrong they have a duty to fix it and to fix it promptly.
Am I happier? Yes. Less stressed? Still stressing, but much less and about other things like trying to get the house in order (it currently looks like a shopping mall has exploded in it), and changing address on everything. I have had to change schools that 2 of my children go to as I now live directly across from a secondary school with the other being about 8 miles away. So to far.
So my eldest finishes school today, forever. Last exam (Physics) this afternoon and then next stop collage and apprenticeship. My 2 they went to a different secondary school start on Wednesday. And ALL of them are settling in ok so far….
So what happens next? Well those pages aren’t written yet so time will tell I guess….
.x.
An empty space.... 