Yup that’s how I feel…. I have failed….
So I guess I should lay it out from the beginning….
My landlord wanted their house back, they gave us an eviction notice, it wasn’t/isn’t anything I’ve done. She wants it back for personal reasons and I know the reason why. The first eviction notice was invalid so she had to give me a new one.
I’ve done every thing I can’t think of to find a place to live but as I’m also a carer, I’m on benefits.
Being on benefits is hard, nope I don’t want to be on them, I’d much rather be working but I can also see it from an employers point of view…. your not gonna higher someone who needs loads of time off. Being on benefits I can’t go to a letting agency as they want a guarantor, don’t have one of those. That leaves me private and council. I’ve been to the council and they say yeah, you’d qualify for a 3 bed house but, we don’t have any at the moment. There are no private houses for rent within the area I’m looking that will take people on benefits or pets (honestly all those lazy cats do is sleep!). I’ve thought about it and went for a 15 mile radius of my children’s schools, that’s a big area. But zilch….
On the 29th of May, we have to leave that’s the big “E” date. Still I’ve found nowhere. On the 29th I’ve got to go to the council and present myself and children as homeless. They’ve said there’s a very good chance we’ll be put up in a hotel for at least a week.
My eldest son starts his GCSE’s tomorrow. One of the biggest stresses of his life so far, and now add to this stress the uncertainty of “where are we gonna live”.
One of the things I remember most is that my mum constantly let me down. I always vowed I wouldn’t do that to my kids…. let them down…. and here I am proving I am just like her…. I’ve failed at providing my children with a very basic need….the security….the stability of a home.
I sat in a meeting last week to discuss all this and the housing officer reminds me that it’s not my fault, I’m handling this well, doing all I can, holding it together good, blah, blah, blah…. All I can think is that No. I’m not doing good, I’m failing my kids. No uncertainty there, that’s clear cut. They are going to be classed as homeless…. I as a parent have failed them….
I’ve spent the weekend moving furniture into storage, I’ve done over half the house. Big furniture wise I’ve got 3 double wardrobes, a large high sided oak sideboard, the bigger half of a very large wall unit, a table, drinks cabinet and huge oven. Plus mattresses. Everything else will be small. This afternoon I cut my hand on dirty glass, it’s deep and my kids dad said I should go to the hospital for stitches but to be honest after you’ve sat waiting for and hour or more in a waiting room…. that’s not for me. So I tipped a bottle of tcp all over it after cleaning as much as I could. Now its all taped up. And the house doesn’t look like my hand was slaughtered (seriously? How much blood!) That’ll teach me to be more careful.
I feel Shit and mixed up and emotional and more than anything like I’ve failed…. There is nothing anyone can say that will change my mind on that. Part of me wants someone I can just let it all out to but the other part says, hey Nem you have to do this on your own. I don’t know which part to believe any more…. It means I’m pushing more people away and coming off as rude and cold, even though I want them in my life and it just makes me feel more emotional….
All I can think is even though I’ve failed them…. I’ll get through this and as a family it is so good that their all close to each other. I have failed them, of that no one will ever change my mind….We’ll get through this…. Hopefully….
An empty space.... 
Well not that you want to hear it ;s you have not failed… I’ve spent most of my adult life working with children whom have been physically sexually emotionally used and abused that’s failure… put it in perspective you have done and continue to do put your children’s needs before your own should that not have been the case you would not be in the situation that you are now i/e you would have taken any job for money brought yourself house car holidays but because you have stayed home made them happy laughed with them loved them you regard having to now move as failure ;o bend over and hold on to your ankles while I kick you 8D suck in breath and seek the way out…. lets start with the positive…. you will be entitled to social housing… you’ve already experienced the fact that this is not designed to help you and thus provide a smooth transition from one accommodation to another take away the pain and shame that you are self imposing as that is societies job which it is bloody good at ;s you say your a carer? should that be for one of your children then there is an identified area of need and thus an exception my be applied in providing you with accommodation ready for or prior to your eviction date depending on your circumstances you could hold the council liable for a duty of care in that they are aware of your current situation and have failed to act accordingly don’t forget their job is to put you off in the hope that you will feel a failure borrow money for a deposit put pressure on family and loved ones to help you out and generally carry the burden alone until you break or the issue is resolved otherwise ;s ….. you’ve got my email all government decisions are open to challenge you have to show them that you have a need and the stability of your children is that need especially in the case of the child taking the GCSE’s they have already admitted a duty of care in that when you are homeless they will accommodate you now you need to keep on top of them with additional facts and supporting doctors letters ect (depending upon whom you are caring for). You haven’t given up so stop putting yourself down as a parent you have so much to be proud of not only of what you have done but what you continue to and plan to do in the future 8D as always your honesty is totally outstanding Mrs Nem xxX
Sending positive energy and prayers your way!
You’re still living, breathing, and fighting for your children… That’s NOT failing them… You WILL find something….
Sending positive energy and well wishes.
Sometimes we find ourselves in unfortunate circumstances that are beyond our control. I don’t think you have failed. The only way you have failed is when you give up.I don’t see you doing that.
I believe in you Nem.