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…Its just a day… Breathe…

There is an edge to the world
and I’m slipping,
So many rocks
and I’m tripping,
Sometimes I wanna
close the door,
But I take a step
and fall through the floor,
And everything’s dark
as black as night,
And I’ve lost my way
can’t find the light,
All I see is endless
hurt,
I think I treat
everyone like dirt,
It’s only a day I
shouldn’t act so rough,
It’s only one loss I
should act more tough,
And I know that to others
that’s where I should care,
Quit thinking of me
and for others be there,
Right now I
need the love instead,
I can’t rhyme anymore I’m
horrid….

The mind is a treacherous thing… the way it torments and twists things and gets filled with so much doubt…

Its just a day… breathe…x.

~ …. If …. ~

If all I could have was your words

then tell me what would they say,

Would they speak of a love story

repeat it day after day,

If you could choose one memory

tell me what would it be,

Think back over time and just choose one

find one that represents me,

They say songs speak when words fail

so won’t you find me a song,

One that I can listen to

when those nights seem so very long….

(To be left unfinished…)

As I sit in my favourite spot in the house my mind wanders to you. The music plays and I just let my thoughts wander along. Sitting here on the kitchen floor back leaning against the washing machine, knees bent and feet against the oven door. I never really noticed just how small this room is before, but here… here in this spot I always feel at peace. I always seem to take the best pics here and always seem to write the best sat here. I’ve had the most funniest and most saddest conversations here. On the kitchen floor…

.

.

Song… Ward Thomas “Carry you home”

.

.

Dark night

sky inky black,

Soft sounding train

goes clickity clack,

Travelling onwards

people like sheep sit inside,

Ignore all the sheeple

train in tunnel it does hide,

Gaze turned outwards

across meadow bare,

Soft tendrils of mists

swirl and stretch so aware,

Mist it gathers stronger

in dyke drain and field,

Car bounce its headlights

mist now fog does not yield,

Blanket the road

just cannot see,

Car screech at junction

a narrow miss to be,

Fog it spreads over

hedgerow and more,

To blanket a forest

so much thicker than before,

Fog entwines with magic

hide forest from all eyes,

Full moon watches on

with incandescent stars across skies,

For deep within this forest

tonight,

So deeply hidden

but with the moons blessing light,

Fairies softly glow

making lights in the trees,

The oldest of oaks

gives the gentlest sneeze,

Rabbits and hares

dance in a ring,

Birds still awake

so breathtakingly sing,

Deers softly drink

from elegant lake,

Mice voles and shrews

make peace with the snake,

Pixies dance

the night away,

An owl hoots a warning

of approaching new day,

Old oaks all give thanks

on the murmuring zephyr,

An echo of thanks

softer than a feather,

Dawn slowly breaking

glorious pinks and gold across skies,

Natures magical hidden world

away from prying eyes…x.

.

.

Song… Nickelback “How you remind me”

.

.

Still sat here mind

worlds away

I just keep thinking

Don’t do this today,

Don’t let your mind

Rake over memories of old,

Dont you know what you have

Is more precious than gold,

Ahhh… I give up on this before I start! Growl…

.

.

Softest of flakes fall

come to rest,

Temperature perfect

they settle so blessed,

Shouted words spoken

with sadness and dread,

I hate you how could you

I wish I was dead,

Anything better

than looking at you…

Door slams

gravel crunch,

Forgive me he implores

she had followed her hunch,

Car started tyres screech

she pulls away fast,

Heart hurting heavy

please don’t let this last,

Flakes come down thicker

a lot faster to,

Hide the icy road

a danger from view,

Take the bend to sharp

weight shifts lose control,

Heart thundering eyes tears

cars on a roll,

Land back on its wheels

embankment so steep,

Car starts to slide

its driver in sleep,

Her last split second

memories of love,

Please guardian angels

hear me above,

Car horn sounds

an eerie warning of dont go,

Car door slams

the screaming of no,

Footsteps pounding

night silence but horns scream,

Please please please please

let this be a dream,

Blood so much blood

landscape painted red,

Please don’t let it be

but there she is dead,

Hair splayed like a halo

face pale like snow,

Even in death

exquisite beauty aglow,

Body all broken

glass all life red,

Her very last words

I wish I was dead…x.

.

Written to… Lady Antebellum “Just a kiss”

.

.

I still sit here slipping through the songs, time ticking down the line. My thoughts going into overdrive as it tries to find order in the chaotic disorderly whirlwind that litters the landscape. The multiple layered warren of corridors filled with dank and dusty rooms for me to run down as I chase glinting evocative words singing sweet lullabies like a sultry sirens call… how can I refuse but to follow leaving plumes of dust in my wake. Anything for just a glimpse of some long forgotten treasury of grammatical error free penmanship evoking life to treasured words…. grrrrrr… my mind is going far to fast and I fear I’ll never catch these words I desire. So I stop. Just stop. Full stop. Dead stop. And I see myself inside sat in some long forgotten walk way slowly crumbling with memories age…

.

.

Smile your smile

one smile I melt,

Heart zappingly poetic smile

sparks tingle I felt,

Your arms

so strong,

As wrapped around me

all night long,

Whispering shivers

against my skin,

Trembling rush

sweet pleasure within,

Damn growl… quit this, its a no. I dont like it. It sounds the same as a hundred before I mean just growl… not for me not this time, I’ll peg it on a paper somewhere down the line…

.

Maybe I should give up for tonight? Maybe that elusive word or words I’m seeking will come in lucid dreams where soft thoughts spiral echos grazing across my skin… hmmmm? Maybe. Maybe not. Sigh….

Good night.x.

All those times I

just wanted to say,

So many different words

there must just be a way,

You’re my candle

in the dark,

To my fire

you’re the spark,

Your words like arms

they wrap around,

And I swear your voice

the only sound,

And there are days that I fail

at pushing the gray,

But you blow up those clouds

by being you every day,

I’ve fallen so deeply

over time,

So deeply you reside

in thos heart of mine…x.

Sometimes you know

some days are gray,

But I want you to know you’re cared for

each and every day,

And sometimes things

will look so very dark,

But I promise if you look inside

you’ll see the biggest spark,

You’re a candle

you burn so bright,

You’re beautiful and sweet

just look at your light,

And you bring lightness

to all that you touch,

Just wanted you to know

that you mean so much…x.

~…. Chess Piece ….~

Crashing bashing

breaking free,

Take it higher

away from me,

Hold up wait a minute stop

not today,

Get out

my way,

Go on

get gone,

You see this girl

she works alone,

Off you go

go on home,

Find what makes you tick

to push you away,

Like I said before protective game

and I rule the play,

Protect this

heart,

Aint no fucker gettin in

this girl alone from the start,

Stay away i don’t do

friend,

I rely on me

right to the end,

Don’t come stepping close

won’t have it okay,

This little hurricane

whirlin on her way,

All I touch I

just destroy,

Play your game

a fuckin toy,

See ya never

on my own way,

Hand out stop your shit

no not today,

This girl shes not stopping

too much for you,

Go on get gone

game over its through,

Back off

go home,

This hearts in a cage

better off alone…x.

~ You… ~

Closer we get closer

lay in this heart of mine,

So afraid to tell you

you’re in my bones till the end of time,

Your words your voice they caress

through and across my skin,

Can’t tell you of the fires

that you spark and rage within,

And so you walk

the halls,

In this dusty mind

you spark these walls,

My light but you

don’t know it,

My love

so hard to show it,

Like you’ve found me drowning

in the deepest lake,

A trail of tears

left in my wake,

Encircle me

as I take my last breath,

Take me higher

as I welcome death,

Breaking free as I breathe

you in,

The warmth you evoke

my sweetest sin,

And in that moment?

I am lost…x.

~ To dance free for a moment….~

I wish I was a snowflake

dancing in the breeze,

Twirling through the skies

to rest upon the trees,

Bringing wonder and delight

to those far down below,

Lay me down let me help create

the freshly fallen snow,

A sliver of purity

that lasts through the night,

The blindingness of

dawns first light,

And as the sun

heats up the ground,

I’ll lay here and die

without such as a sound,

My watery grave

all dried and gone,

My echo’s to the wind

as I’d danced along…x.

“Do you believe in werewolves?”

She said,

“In vampires witches

demons the dead?” ,

And I looked at her

with curious eye,

Turned my vision

to the star lit sky,

Stories and fairy tales

book upon book,

I drunk them all in

like a fish to a hook,

I nodded at her

my eyes gleaming in the night,

My pupils they danced

in the soft fires light,

She looked at me

with the lightest of sigh,

Then turned her eyes

to the forest on high,

Werewolves are not

like the stories you’ve read,

They are immortal they’re still here

when we’re dead,

They aren’t cute and fluffy

resemble neither pup mutt nor dog,

They hide in the shadows

camouflaged with the bush tree and log,

Feel you’re being watched?

well maybe you are,

A monstrous great beast

with senses so far,

And they’ll watch you

a predator and prey,

Tell me my dear

will you sleep at all this day?

Enough of my story

that’s it for tonight”,

And left with so many questions

I watched the fires light…x.

Old tree

blackened by time,

Shaped by the wind

as it passes down the line,

Gnarled branches

barren and bare,

Living and breathing

but barely there,

The rain falls

darkest storm,

Rip the sky in two

tree stands forlorn,

Lightning hits the ground

scorched earth wet,

Tree stands alone

nothing happens and yet,

Its just a tree

no beauty nor grace,

So very alone

in this desolate place,

Wind howls louder

higher higher,

Lightning tears across the sky

brilliance of white fire,

Old tree braces

against the wind stands so still,

Steadfast and alone

strength and iron will…x.

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