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Unbalanced.

unbalanced
ʌnˈbalənst/
adjective
adjective: unbalanced

  1. 1.
    (of a person) emotionally or mentally disturbed.
    “she considered him to be mentally unbalanced and dangerous”

    2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
  2. 2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
    2.
    not giving accurate, fair, or equal coverage to all aspects; partial.

    “this may give an unbalanced impression of the competition”
unbalance
ʌnˈbal(ə)ns/
verb
past tense: unbalanced; past participle: unbalanced
  1. 1.
    make (someone or something) unsteady so that they tip or fall.
    “the door almost unbalanced him by swinging open”

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

  2. 2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

    2.
    upset or disturb the equilibrium of (a situation or person’s state of mind).

    “this sharing can often unbalance even the closest of relationships”

    I guess that pretty much describes me today…
    I am unbalanced. Do you believe in emotional transference? I’ve often wondered if it’s real? Can another’s emotions affect you?
    Well hmmm… start at the beginning? Hey I’ll try…
    Friday night…
    “(My name) I don’t want to live any more.”
    This sent by someone with depression. Ok. Round their house now. Don’t leave until late. Saturday…
    “I’ve got no electric can I borrow some money for it?”
    Go Round, house pitch black and cold. Kids cold. She’s crying. Go get her electric.
    Stay there and sort her.
    Sunday…
    “I’m a bad mom I’m giving up my kids. I just want to die. Everyone would be better off without me. My children would be happier. I give up. I don’t want them.”
    Again go round. This time get kids to mine and then sit and talk. Lots of crying. Lots of talking trying to get to the root of it.

    Inbetween all this? Sort my house out. Spend time with my kids. Study. Degrees are hard. Lots of research. Remember to eat. Forget to eat. Can’t be arsed to eat. (My allergies stop me from eating the same as my kids who eat good home cooked meals). More study. More research. More notes. Laundry. Kiddos and homework. Spend time with kiddos. Swallow a couple of painkillers for the kidney pain that’s getting worse(I will get round to the docs). More study. Talking to her on Snapchat. Worry about her and kiddos.
    Talk through another friends personal problems late into Sunday night. Who needs sleep right? About 4 hours in total friday/saturday/Sunday night combined. Sleep is for the weak and all that…
    Today…
    “(Enter the poem I got sent here)…”
    A super sad one.

    Another friend…
    “I hate my life.”
    Discuss her problems. Make her feel better.

    Another…
    “You never have time for me anymore… I need your help your the only one I can talk to.”
    We talk. They feel better. Laughing by the end of it.

    I love helping people. I’m actually good at it. I can listen. Really listen. I pick up on the things not said but needing/wanting to be said. That’s me. But? I’ve had 3 intense weeks of other people’s feelings. Their emotions. Their tears. Their lows. I’m not balanced right now. Increasing pressure with my degree. Who am I? Right now? I don’t know. I asked myself that earlier. “Who are you?” I couldn’t answer. I tried asking myself a simpler question… “are you happy?” I don’t know. Shit I can’t make myself happy. How the hell can I make others happy?
    So I’m left unbalanced. Uneven. And wondering just how to even things out… anyone know how to move these weights around to balance out my scales?

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Love and doubt and love

My heart is in pieces

all tattered and torn,

Scars I have many

these walls they adorn,

I see you

like a shining light,

A beacon of hope

in my dark of night,

Dreams they engulf me

bring me shattering down,

Doubt like a tidal wave

making me drown,

But love pure love

so solid and true,

Brings me again

to rise before you….

.x.

~….The gift….~

Imagine your hopes and desires

take them and times them by ten,

Take all your dreams for the future

to the past and then present again,

Add sweet dash of magic

stir it with truest loves kiss,

A pinch of the softest caress

the moment of eternal bliss,

Pour it in a heart of glass

the fragility and hope of new,

And if you can imagine it all

then you’ll know how I feel about you….

.x.

~…. Storyteller ….~

The lies they slither

off your tongue,

And one by one I fall for them

completely come undone,

You weave your web fabricated

untrue,

And I fall I fall

such a fool for you….

See the magic….

Think of a wondrous wonderland

of colours red golden green,

So many sights to entice you

of things unspoken unseen,

Of pixies dancing

the night away,

The owls fly low

moon beams out to play,

And in the clearing

in the wood,

The wise old oak

so silent stood,

A lonesome stag

stands by his side,

A bond of trust

nature turns tide,

The oak so old

a testament to time,

His generations grow around him

wisdom passed down the line,

The stag walks to

the waters edge,

A solitary figure

upon the rocky ledge,

He takes a drink

as eyes dart around,

Ears pricked up

unfamiliar sound,

Campers laughing

thin smoke in the wood,

They’ve no idea at the magic

its misunderstood,

The campers settle down

it’s been a long day,

Night owl screeches loudly

passes on his way,

Over the trees

low over valley,

Into the town

atop post in dark alley,

The alley is lit

from street lights cast glow,

Hiding the undesired

the forgotten of life’s flow,

But within the forgotten

there’s magic to see,

And they know of natures beauty

of all it can be,

For the forgotten see

with untainted eye,

The magic of life

the rest of us pass by….

.x.

Thoughts….

Your my pleasure

Your my pain,

Spin me in circles

Your such a drain,

The more I lose

The more I gain,

Tell me what

Your gonna do,

I’m so wound up

So into you,

All through the day

you do burn bright,

Set yourself on fire

see the light,

Oh sail away

on seven sea,

Run from a storm

you can’t break free,

From flame filled eyes

look at the dawn,

The light chase shadows

across the morn,

And through this new day

you will burn bright,

Burning embers in your eyes

to bring comfort and warmth at night….

.x.

She wasn’t made like the rest

no she wasn’t made that way,

The blackness the battles within her

for she kept her demons at bay,

Surrounding herself in the icy cold

none she let through to her heart,

She kept it surrounded by forests

a warmth many fires it could start,

A warrior her words

were her blade,

Her shield

something she had made,

No she wasn’t like the rest

she was a black rose,

Her mind filled with promises

and prose,

No she wasn’t

like the rest,

To a Knight

she would’ve been a mere test,

But her heart

was found by a King,

No easy feat

no easy thing,

And that’s where the

story does start,

This King

he found her heart,

No she wasn’t like the rest

sharp thorns so full of prose,

She wasn’t like the rest

Those velvet depths

hidden in a plain black rose….

.x.

I long to taste

your finger tips,

The sweet sensation

of your lips,

To tightly wrap

my arms around,

The depth of your heart

the only sound,

Feeling the heat

come off your skin,

You your sweetest

sexy sin,

Outside Inside

Don’t look through my armor

you won’t like what you see,

Don’t look through my armor

at the darkness that’s me,

I’m barren and tormented

don’t open that door,

Its a hurricane a whirlwind

throws most to the floor,

Jagged pieces that cut

shattered like glass,

Move on keep on walking

this door you should pass,

For if you opened this door

you should bare,

A torrential hurricane

that seems to not care,

Battle hardened

made a warrior from life,

That has thrown up enough heartache

danced on opinions knife,

On the other side

resides a quiet glen,

One given to nature

not seen by men,

And there upon 

the softest grass,

As the sun shines down

Shadows like

stained glass,

Lies a flower

jaded but pure,

Crushed a little

but stronger than before,

Beware of this flower

as it comes with these words….

….I am but a flower, so delicate and soft, a mixture of blood and tears, transparent when held aloft, life it gives you 2 choices, you can be harsh winter or soft sun, crush this little flower closed, or allow it to gently come undone….


.x.

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