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And I’m supposed to feel….?

 
A little me spread across the screen.

  Good question…. how am I supposed to feel? Still trying to work that one out….
I think this post is just gonna be me throwing my words in circles in the vain hope they have the brains enough to get themselves in order and make sense, if to no one else…. at least to me?
  I’ve spent the last few days feeling like I’m in an art gallery, you know those really big dramatic paintings you find? The ones that seem as big as a house? And have so much going on in them? I feel as though I’m looking at one of those but of the things that are going on in my life, and for some reason, I just can’t see it all…. all I can see is a little, the rest is smudgy. I’m missing the bigger picture.

image

This painting, by American-born John Singleton Copley, of the Great Siege of Gibraltar was commissioned by the City of London in 1783 and at over 458 square feet is one of Britain’s largest oil paintings.

^^ The big painting I was thinking of when trying to describe…. I’ve been to this gallery. The room downstairs with all the darker art and ship pictures? Pretty amazing.
   So missing the bigger picture….
  Yup I guess that best describes it. But does it? I mean I know for definite some things. I’m unsure on others. I haven’t a clue on more. And I’m so afraid to ask you about the rest. Them ones probably matter more than I realise…. oh well. You live and learn I guess….
  The songs just changed…. I like this one…. It’s called no I’ll put you the link in, that’s easier….

http://open.spotify.com/track/7e4epCxlnPq0n7AmxQEnD9

There we go. I like the song lyrics….

Currently I’m laying on my bed in my underwear. Singing away….
The song changes again…. I really love this song…. no Link for this as everyone has probably heard it at least once….
Iris. By The Goo Goo Dolls. 🎶”Yeah you bleed just to know your alive….”🎶 (yes I’m still singing).
I was thinking about writing a poem then got to thinking about how my poems are perceived….
  I had a look back over the poems I’ve written, going back to last year. It’s oddly annoying because if you didn’t specifically know I had 2 muses who I use as my inspiration, you’d think I was falling in love with someone new every single week.
  To set the record straight there, unless my writing says it’s for someone specific, then either Snö or M have given me the inspiration. Two very amazing people.
  My mind is doing over time on whether the things I do/am doing are right or wrong. And if I expect to much from people. As always I question myself far to much and end up driving myself crazy never getting anywhere….

“…. Tell me my sweetness
   is it ok to fall for you….
….To love with my heart
   and give in to feelings so true….?”

Hmmmmmm? Just scattering words….
Do i want to write a poem? I don’t know….
Songs changed a couple of times and now it’s….

“Could it be any harder” By  The Calling.

Stupid song…. sure it’s trying to tell me something! Not listening to you. I like the next song…. “Anything” also by The Calling. Singing this one.
  So….? Has my randomless writings helped at all? Honestly I can say no. I’m still feeling as lost as I already did, like I’m stuck in the middle of a really busy place and I’m just stood still watching everyone hurry off. I can’t move….  But hey, if your all hurrying all the time, how are you gonna know what the flowers smell like?
  

image

Sadly that’s very probably true….

“….I wanna tell you
   how I feel about you,
You’ve captured my mind
  and my heart so true….”

Still not sure just what direction this post is going…. Guns N Roses “November Rain” now playing…. looooovvvvveeee this song…. so singing away again….
  I think maybe I just need to write. Like if I carry on writing, eventually what’s wrong and the key to fixing it are gonna be here in the words…. (I can hope can’t I? ).

“….Damn I feel so lost
    and your words I really need….
….You mean so much more than you’ll ever know
    where others fail you do succeed….”

Notifications Flash at the top of my screen as I write this and I see the one that makes my breath catch…. Damn…. now my thoughts are on a wander….

I’m so glad you said you were pulling  over….

Yeah only you’ll get that. Providing I tell you I wrote about you….

Songs flicked through some more and it’s Bon Jovi “I’ll  be there for you.” Gonna sing this one to :)

 

image

Another Bon Jovi song…. “You had me from hello.” Singing this one to…. Amazingly beautiful song and if you’ve never listened to this one…. you should.

  “….All I can do is watch
       watch as my heart falls in love with you….
….and my brain says it don’t matter
      because it’s fallen in love with you too….”

Aerosmith “Angel….”
(Still singing….)

All these little poetic thoughts keep popping up in my mind. Most of them sweet,  but some really dirty ones to!  Maybe I should open a new post and start again? Nope….

All that’s going through my mind now, is you…. time to finish….

Find some songs to end my post with?
….Music runs through my veins….

No one’s gonna love you. By Band Of Horses.
How deep is your love. By Calving Harris.
Bliss. By Hinder.
Trouble – Stripped. By Halsey.
I’ll be waiting. By Lenny Kravitz.
Can’t get you off my mind. By Lenny Kravitz.

There’s my songs….

On an up note….
I’ve just read the whole thing from the top…. and yes job done. I see what’s wrong and I answered it to….
12:32 am time for bed.
.x.

Little thought….

My Sweetness my lips are silent
silent over you,
But my heart and mind are so very very loud
just what am I to do….?

.x.

“You will do more for me later….”

Just one sentence and the veil comes down
just one sentence and I am under your command,
Just one sentence
now I am only what you demand,

Just one commanding sentence is all it takes….

.x.

Little thought….

….My sweetness you are a drug

    and I am but an empty hungry needy

nothingness….

           my only desire to be filled by you….

.x.

….you my sweetness have wrapped yourself so deeply….
  ….so intricately
    around my mind….
teasing my thoughts and feelings….
making me fall just a little more
so that my fingers cling to the edges….

.x.

….you spiral my emotions….

  ….and then you play them….

    ….slowly strumming….
      
        ….like I am the most exquisite song on earth….

             .x.

….How exquisitely you write
     
         your words across my skin….

                ….So intricately carving
               
                          every cursive….

….Wrapping the tendrils of you
       
       around my mind….

             ….Caressing my very pulse
                  
and making me fall just a little more….

    .x.

31….

image

.x.

Snö….

Last night again I dreamt of snow
but the snow it did not stay,
Instead I watched it melt
as you turned and walked away,
There was nothing at all
that I could do,
No words to use
to convince you,
The glittering snowflakes
disappeared as you went,
My emotions flowed
til my tears were spent,
The night came on fast
almost crashing down,
And I made no move
from this once white ground,
So empty here
without your snow,
But only to me
should the blame go….

.x.

….Every time you speak
   your words write themselves across my skin….

.x.

agenda19892010

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